Pretty Please Don't Pinch Me

95. Circles

Do I tell her about yesterday?

Will it only make her more upset?

Or would she be angry that I went behind her back?

I need to help her fix this. Whether this is real or not, these feelings are real, and they matter. And I have an idea.

"How about we stop being sad, and have a nice girls day. Just the two of us?" I suggest a little too enthusiastically. Almost to the point where my voice sounds unrecognisable to me. "How about a nice hearty brunch? My shout."

She looks at me cautiously before finally relenting.

"Where did you have in mind?" she asks defeated.

-        -

We leave the restaurant with full bellies and a slightly better disposition, and return to my car.

"I feel so out of place sitting in the passenger seat," she says a little uneasily whilst looking out the window. "I sometimes forget how much you've grown."

"Oh Mum, don't get all sentimental on me now. Don't make me throw up my meal on you, because I've just had the car cleaned," I joke.

We begin driving in the direction of home and instead of taking the usual turn off, I continue gradually driving ahead.

"Ava... Where are we going?"

"Mum," I start, taking a large gulp of air.

"Yes Honey?"

"I did something... I mean... what I'm trying to say is that I went to your old house. I went to Montgomery Manor," I admit, feeling immediately relieved to have it off my chest.

Her body language freezes immediately as she chooses her words carefully.

"You did what?" she asks warily, suspiciously aware of what I'm trying to get at.

"I did and I think you should too," I say, shocking her by my audacity. The subject has always been well avoided over the years being a touchy subject, and must be so odd for her to hear me speak so openly about a topic that is normally left unspoken.

"I don't think it's right for you to have gone," she says firmly. "You should have asked me beforehand Ava."

"I didn't go there to see them. I went to clear my head... and I kind of just ended up there... They weren't home at the time, but they are now."

"Wait? And you're taking me there now?" she asks, eyes almost bulging out of her head. "No. Turn around. Don't do this Ava. You have no idea what they put me through."

"But the point is, is that all this drama – as bad as it was, happened years ago," I reply determinedly, eyes focused on the road. "You now have the chance to put everything behind you and start afresh."

"Ava, you have no idea what you're doing."

"But Mum, I do," I answer, my expression softening. "I know things were a lot different for you growing up, but I can't even imagine what it would be like to be without you and Dad."

She is listening, and I take the opportunity to go on.

"What if something... happened. And you didn't have a chance to mend old wounds."

"You don't get it though... I can't do it."

And for once I see a vulnerability I have never seen before in my mother. Instead of my Mum, I see a scared, nineteen-year-old girl.