Pretty Please Don't Pinch Me

66. The Last Time

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"Harry," I sob, my heart breaking into a million little pieces as he is almost inclined to care for me when I have caused him this much hurt.

"Don't," he tells me.

I have damaged this beautiful, unique man, and there is nothing I can do to take it back.

What have I done?

My physical wound is now taken care of; though there is no band-aid large enough to cure the pain I'm feeling inside. He gets back in the car, though he doesn't start the engine up. He rubs his face into his open hands before he looks at me. His eyes are filled with complete and utter sadness that feels like I've been shot directly through my heart. His eyes are becoming watery, and he wipes his eyes against his forearm, removing the tears that were forming.

"Why Ava?" he asks, his voice threatening to break. "Am I not enough for you?"

"Harry!" I cry, holding onto his arm, and although he doesn't push me away, he remains rigid, and I can feel that my touch is unwanted.

It absolutely is killing me that I have done this to him. That my actions have been a direct result of how he is feeling and I am desperate to make things better.

"You're more than enough for me. You're everything I could ever want and need. You're more than I deserve. Just please forgive me. If I could take it back I would."

"Where did you go after you left my house?" he asks.

And then it hits me. He is too much of a nice person to ever suspect that any of his friends could have been that person I reached out to, and doesn't even consider them as being a possibility at this stage.

"What happened? Who initiated it?" he continues, firing questions at me.

"We kissed. That's it," I reply through sobbing.

"Fuck" he whispers under his breath. "For how long?"

"A couple of minutes," I reply honestly.

"Who initiated it?" he repeats, rubbing his forehead.

"Me." The words hang in the air, and he is silent while he processes it.

"Who?" he asks, looking over at me with great sadness. "Who was it?"

My heart stops. I take a moment to consider what I should do. I need to tell Harry. I need for him to forgive me, but he can't know it was Luke. It would hurt him even further and ruin their relationship. I also can't jeaopordise the tour for 5 Seconds of Summer. I would be the sole reason if they cut ties with each other, and I could never live with myself. But I also know that Harry is the most important person to me. I can't live without him. Even when I thought he cheated, I knew somehow that I could still forgive him, and I hated that about myself. I wasn't seeking revenge, I was trying to prove to myself that I was strong, that I too could move on, though ultimately I know I can't. If telling him the truth means he can trust me, then that is what I need to do.

"It was –"

"Stop," he interrupts. "I can't know. It'll drive me crazy."

Oh?