The Cabin in the Woods (Jonathan Toews)

This Is Goodbye

Allison

As the days pass us I finally start to enjoy life. I worry less about everything and realize that I'm carrying around two kids and that nothing makes me happier. I'm in love with a wonderful man who treats me better than most men treat their partners of twenty years. Has already been a great father and partner and I'm so lucky that he loves me. I'm so lucky that we're getting to start a family together despite all we've been through.

And while he's out being the captain of the hottest team in the NHL, I'm getting some little things for the house. It was pretty much done but it can always use a accent here and there and it was getting closer to spring time so I wanted some spring smelling candles.

So I pick up my purse and head into the city. I go into a Macy's and start to look around. People usually leave me be when I'm out, I can tell when they're staring but they rarely ever approach me. And when they do they ask how I'm doing or wanting to touch my stomach. I never mind the fans, I haven't encountered a bad one yet. Then again I never leave the house unless I absolutely have to or if Jonathan's with me. But he was gone and I was bored so I decided to look around for a little. His birthday was coming up so I needed to figure out what to get him and of course look at the baby things.

So I find myself in the sports section looking at the baby Blackhawks things. I grab some bibs and booties and onesies for the babies. Jonathan insists we don't have to get them his stuff but I wanted to. I can't wait to take them to games to see their daddy play. I can't wait to explain to them that dreams do come true and to never let anyone tell them any differently.

I continue to shop until I hear someone calling my name. I look around and can't seem to find who it was. This is the first time someone was just calling out my name instead of approaching me. But once I see who it was I figured out why.

"Mom" I ask.

"I thought that was you. But you look so... different" she admits. I have cut my hair and gained two babies since I saw her last.

"This is me" I assure her and she shakes her head.

"That's not my baby" she says.

"It is. It's just not who you wanted me to be" I insist.

"You could have done so well for yourself" she claims.

"Momma I can promise you that I have never been happier than I am right now. Look at me... I'm having twins. I'm starting a family with man who has never even thought of putting a hand on me or degrading me let alone doing it. He tells me every chance that he gets that he loves me. And most of the time he doesn't even have to say it, he just looks at me and it makes it all worth it. No matter what you tell me Mathew was a nightmare. He was abusive and extremely mean and had no idea how to care about anyone besides himself. Jonathan, he's better than anything I would ever ask for. He makes me feel like I'm human, like I matter in this world. He made me realize that I had done nothing wrong to be treated the way I did. He helped me see that I was not the problem in that relationship... it was him and it was you.

You.

You knew he was abusive yet you still pushed it. You knew he only kept me around to be his arm candy, not the love me. Because I was so far under his control I would do anything for him just so he would love me in the way you said he would. But men like that aren't capable of love, they can't feel these things that make it all worth it.

But you didn't care. You couldn't care less about what happened to me as long as you got what you wanted" I whisper. I feel the tears building up in my eyes as I stare her down.

"I am your mother and you you cannot talk to me this way" she says.

"You use the fact that your my mom to make you seem bigger than me, to undermine me. That's why I promise to be nothing like you. I'm going to be the best mother I can possibly be and I'm going to do it because you didn't" I accuse.

"You turned into a puck bunny and got pregnant after leaving your own wedding, that's no make of a good mother" she claims.

"I saved my own life by leaving that wedding. I was dying when I was with Mathew and the moment I left I felt alive for the first time in years. I make that decision to leave every single time.

And it was fate that brought me and Jonathan back together. Not the fact that he plays hockey or the fact that he wanted to help me. Everything had to align perfectly so that moment when I needed him most he was there for me. And he didn't hesitate to help me. I wouldn't even let him touch me for the first week because I thought he was going to hurt me. But he was patient and he listens to me instead of talking over me. He is the kindest person ever and I thought he wanted to hurt me because that's all I knew. But he showed me everything a man should be to a woman. Showed me what it means to be a real family and not one you manipulate.

So no matter what you think I'm going to be a good mother. Jonathan and I are going to raise our kids to be kind and mindful. Not stuck in their ways" I promise.

"You're still going to be nothing" she claims.

"I would rather be nothing with Jon than have everything with him" I assure her.

"How can you be so stupid" she asks.

"How can you be so blind? What did I ever do to you to be put through all of this just to make you happy" I ask.

"Because you're my daughter" she claims.

"Then treat me like a daughter! When I come to you for help don't tell me it's not happening when it is. When I need someone to talk to be there for me. When I need advice about breast feeding or a sleep schedule help me out. Don't tell me I'm pretty and that's all I'll ever be. Don't tell me that I'm a big mistake. If you want me to treat you like my mother then you have to treat me like your daughter" I insist.

"I raised you. I gave you 18 years of my life and didn't ask for anything. I just wanted you to be happy with Mathew. That's all" she claims.

"I wasn't never happy with him. He was seven years older than me, I was just a kid when we met. We were never meant to be, no matter how much you force it, it was just never meant to be" I explain.

"Why is it so wrong for a mother to want something from her daughter" she asks.

"Because I'm not your puppet, I'm not someone here for your enjoyment or manipulation. I'm a girl who wants to do good in life, who wants to be the good in someone life. And I have one guy and two little babies that I know will love me no matter what comes of life. They'll support me through the good and the bad and they'll never question me. Just like a family should" I say.

"So you're really going through with this" she asks and I laugh. You kinda gotta laugh.

"Yeah, I am. I'm due in July and Jonathan and I have been living in our beautiful home for a while now. And I'm sure the kids would love their grandparents around if you can stop painting me as a villain for cutting the strings and understand that I did what was necessary for me" I admit.

"I don't think I can" she admits.

"Then you cant be in my kids lives. I don't need people feeding them lies, I don't want anyone in control of their future unless it's them. If you can't be open minded then you can't be around at all" I insist.

"Then I guess I won't" she admits.

"Then this is goodbye" I say.

I take my things and I head to checkout. Suddenly I want in the mood to shop anymore. Once I purchase my things I leave and go home. Once I do I finally break down, I never wanted that to happen. But she ruined my life and I sure as hell wasnt letting her ruin my kids.