SUPER RICH KIDS | PHAN

sixty four.

dan.

dan had lied to him.

he was definitely, fully, and entirely in love with phil lester.

he knew because, despite everything, he hardly remembered what he had been mad about. he knew because every time he touched the guitar phil had gotten him, his heart did this thing that made him wonder if he was still somehow malnourished.

he knew because he couldn't keep his eyes off him at the best of times, and when he was gone, he couldn't keep his thoughts away from him.

he liked his stupid smirky, cocky smile, almost as much as he liked his regular smile when he was taken off guard. he liked his soft, pale skin, and the moles he tried to hide subconsciously, and how his hair stuck up in all different directions when he ran his fingers through it.

dan slid his fingers between phil's as they got back to the shelter, blushing and looking down. he could feel phil looking at him, and he could feel him smiling, just slightly, and it made dan feel warm. he didn't care what katrina or sunny thought, he wanted to hold phil's hand.

he heard cheering as soon as phil pushed the door open, and dan was forced to look up as phil's hand was yanked out of his by phil being very nearly tackled by a chubby boy with the biggest smile dan had ever seen on his face.

"i knew you'd do it, you fucking asshole! you gorgeous jerk!"

phil laughed and shoved sunny off of him, attempting to glare at him, but he couldn't manage it. dan's eyes found kat. she was leaning against the desk, her arms crossed, but she was smiling at them fondly. she nodded at him and dan beamed at her.

he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned, facing phil, who was smiling in a way that made dan want to tackle him.

"lets go to my place...?"

dan knew he wasn't being suggestive, he could feel it in the way he said the words, and it made his heart swell. he nodded, wrapping his arms around phil's neck and kissing his cheek with a bit of force.

"yeah."

he was tired, and all he wanted to do was hold him and be held by him. cuddling sounded like just about the best thing ever right then. he was sure phil felt the same.

they told sunny and kat they'd see them later and set off. dan raised his eyebrows when phil led him to his car, his old one.

"you expect me to get in this piece of trash?" he teased, crossing his arms and grinning at him.

"oh my god, just get in the fucking car, dan." phil groaned and dan's smile widened.

"it's so old, are you kidding?" he tapped on the shiny hood, not even a scratch damaging the surface. "it barely works. you definitely need a new one."

dan gasped and squeaked as phil came at him, scooping him up easily, bridal style, and dan clutched at his shirt, giggling.

"idiot, put me down."

phil grunted and somehow managed to get the passenger door open without dropping him, dodging around it clumsily.

"i will. in my car."

dan laughed as phil set him down in the seat, letting go of his shirt. "you're stupid."

"keep insulting me, see where that gets you," phil shot back, but he was smiling, and he walked around the car to get in the drivers seat.

dan was in love with him because phil's voice sounded how it felt to be wrapped in blankets after a long day of standing in the cold. he was in love because dan could hardly remember what his life had been like before phil had come along. even the bad moments dan felt fond of.

dan wasn't crazy. he knew he could live without phil, he'd survive if he left, eventually, he'd be okay.

but he didn't want to live without him. and he'd do anything to keep that from happening.

dan looked at him. phil's window was partly down and his hair was whipping in the wind, his eyes straight ahead. 

he was somehow both everything dan wanted and nothing that he'd asked for.

dan reached out and put his hand on top of phil's, and phil looked at him curiously. dan closed his eyes, focusing on the warmth of phil's skin and how intoxicating it felt to even just touch his hand.

dan wasn't very experienced, but that didn't feel like a crush.

after a second he felt phil's hand shift and he pulled his own away, but phil only grabbed it again, intertwining their fingers. dan kept his eyes closed, lost in thought.

with any crush dan had ever had, he wanted to kiss them. he wanted to touch them. he wanted them to look him in the eyes and tell him that they liked him, that he was their everything, that they wanted him.

with this, sure, he wanted those things. but he didn't feel so desperate for them. phil didn't make him breathless, if anything phil supplied extra oxygen, like a tree dan wanted to sit beneath for hours. phil wasn't exciting, he didn't throw dan around like he was on a rollercoaster. sometimes he confused him, but even when they were fighting, something felt constant and steady beneath their words.

dan was almost glad he'd almost left. now he felt even more secure. he felt like they could get through anything.

if a hurricane hit them right then and threw them off the road, filled the car with rain, he knew phil would reach for him, not the wallet in the glovebox. and that felt a bit like love, too. both phil doing that, and dan knowing phil would do that.

dan squeezed his hand and opened his eyes. phil glanced at him, raising his eyebrows as if to ask if anything was wrong. dan shook his head. he paused.

"phil?"

phil rolled up his window so he could hear better and looked at him. "yes?"

dan smiled faintly, bringing phil's hand to his lips and kissing his fingers.

"nothing."

telling him could wait. dan wasn't in a rush.

he knew they had plenty of time.