SUPER RICH KIDS | PHAN

thirty seven.

dan.

phil stopped acting strange in a few days, but dan couldn't tell if he actually felt better or if he was just distracted. the day before the event phil was rushing around, running to his desk to check something on his computer and running back outside to call someone, and repeat. dan sat with kat and nina, lazily strumming his guitar and watching him rush around.

finally phil caught the time to notice him and he straightened his shirt, sliding to a stop in front of him.

"are you gonna be ready?"

dan nodded, playing a chord. phil stared him down, his eyes narrowing.

"are you sure?"

dan laughed. "yes, phil. i've been practicing." he really had- any chance he got when he wasn't with phil or with sunny or kat.

"what are you playing?"

dan bit his lip. "it's a surprise."

"and you swear you're ready?"

dan sighed. he knew he was ready, musically at least. emotionally... he wasn't sure. this was a bigger deal than he wanted to admit, even to himself. his first real performance... in front of an actual audience. it was insane, and dan wasn't actually sure he could pull it off without throwing up. especially since phil's parents would be there, and god knows what other rich people.

dan set aside his guitar and stood up despite his own inner turmoil, stepping forward and straightening the collar of phil's shirt absentmindedly. "it's gonna be fine, okay? you trust me, right?"

phil nodded silently, searching dan's face. dan smiled, speaking softly.

"good. then trust me that i'm ready. it'll be okay, you need to take a deep breath. everything will be fine."

phil nodded again, sighing. "sorry," he mumbled. "i'm just..."

"yeah," dan replied. "i know. me too. it's okay, it'll be great."

phil smiled, touching dan's shoulder for a fleeting second before pulling back. he watched phil run back outside to panic about something else.

"dan," katrina said from behind him, her voice almost warning. dan blinked and turned to face her.

"what?"

she shook her head. "don't do it." dan frowned.

"do what?"

she raised her eyebrows and dan groaned.

"oh, shut up. i'm an adult. i'm capable of taking care of myself." he sat back down and picked his guitar back up. "god knows i've been taking care of you."

she rolled her eyes. "you may take care of us, dan, but we're the ones who have to pick up the pieces after things don't work out."

dan's face flushed and he glared at her. "there's nothing to work out. it's not like that."

she looked at him incredulously, and huffed. "boys are so stupid."

says the girl who got pregnant at sixteen, dan wanted to say, but then he was horrified he wanted to say that. why was he getting so defensive? she was just teasing. he clenched his teeth and strummed his guitar, his face pink. god, he was turning into phil.

he and phil didn't meet that night, because dan insisted that phil go home and get some sleep. but dan stayed up, sitting outside the shelter and playing guitar softly to the background of city sounds. at night everything felt so much bigger to him. his little problems; phil being stressed out, kat's behavior, his own prickliness, even earl; felt smaller. it kind of calmed him down to be able to step out of his mind for a minute.

dan didn't understand how his life had changed so quickly. actually, his life was always changing rather severely. he had gone from a moderately happy child, to on the streets starving, to having an amazing group of friends, to living in a shelter, to earl dying. he didn't know how to slow it down, but he needed to catch his breath sometime.

phil had stopped acting so weird around him, but it still felt different between them. dan couldn't help thinking kat had said something, but he didn't ask, because he didn't really think he wanted the answer. phil was okay around him again, but he touched him less, opened up less. like he was pulling back. maybe phil knew dan needed to catch his breath.

dan didn't know what was wrong with him. every time he saw a different side of him he missed him more the next time he left, he was more breathless when he was around, his touch left him even more dazed. it was like phil was slowly wearing him down every time he was less than an asshole. but dan kind of got it now- he didn't think phil was a jerk. he thought he was misguided, and scared, and he had built up walls that he didn't know how to take down now. dan knew if he had parents like phil did he might be like that too.

dan knew phil was still lucky, of course, but it wasn't healthy for his parents to give him everything he wanted. when phil finally broke away from them, he wouldn't know what to do with himself without the world handed to him. and even this volunteering thing; they were teaching him to lie.

was phil still lying? dan could tell he didn't really mind having the shelter anymore, maybe because he didn't have to do much of the work, but still... it gave dan hope that maybe he really was learning something from all this.

dan sighed, setting his guitar aside and looking up at the stars. he couldn't help thinking of that night after the hospital, sleeping on the train tracks with phil, after sobbing his eyes out against his shirt.

he fell asleep on the sidewalk, the feeling of phil's arms around him on his mind.