SUPER RICH KIDS | PHAN

twenty one.

dan.

dan didn't say a word on the drive to the hospital. he rested his forehead against the cool glass of phil's window, his eyes wide open and his face pale, drained of color.

he could tell phil wanted to say something, but he didn't speak either. good. dan didn't think he could hear his voice right then without opening the car door right then and jumping out.

dan's heart was pounding so hard he could hear the blood pumping in his ears. despite how still he was being, his insides were burning up, panic eating him from the inside out, consuming his entire body. everything hurt like he had been hit by a tsunami of painful emotions.

it was nina. after all the months of fear of when she'd die, excruciating waiting, it had finally happened. and dan hadn't even been around for it. he had been so caught up in his drama with phil that he hadn't even spent her last days with her.

a tear escaped and trickled down his cheek, veering off his nose. dan sniffed and wiped it away. it fucking hurt to lose her, but at least he knew he could handle it. he still had kat, and earl. they were his family too, and they would all take care of each other and get through this, even if they were back on the streets. fucking rich kid asshole.

dan took a shaky breath as they took an exit onto a road called st. bernard. he could handle this.

the only thing that kept coming back to him and confusing him more was how katrina had sounded.

even though it had been phil on the phone, dan had heard everything she had said from the sheer volume of her voice. she had sounded panicked. scared. devastated.

of course dan had known she would be sad, just like he would, but that had taken him by surprise. he and kat had spent countless sleepless nights together, just talking about what would happen once she passed away. everything from how they would break it to earl to how they could help each other to heal. they had discussed all of it, until dan had felt fairly comfortable with everything. dan thought they had both been reasonably prepared for this, but kat's voice on the phone told him otherwise. dan felt so bad that he hadn't been there for her.

finally they pulled into the hospital parking lot, and dan took another deep breath. he could do this. at least, that was what he was telling himself. life would go on.

the hospital was fairly busy, people bustling around, and occasionally someone got rolled past in a wheelchair or on a gurney. dan flinched. he hated seeing stuff like that, it just made him sad. nina always said he had too much empathy for one person to possess.

nina used to say.

that thought made dan choke up and he had to stop for a second in the middle of the hallway to get himself together. he didn't want to lose it while he was with the others, he would have to keep it in for them. because they would be sad too, and dan was always the strong one.

phil stopped too, watching him with wide, anxious eyes. dan glared at him. he didn't want his pity, especially not now. not after phil had cast them out on the street again.

dan's chest hurt. at least if he had a heart attack, he was already in a hospital, not that dan could afford any medical care.

"c'mon," phil said softly after another moment of dan's shaky breathing and phil's awkward shifting. "let's find your friends."

dan gave him a mean look even though he was right. part of dan wanted to run to them as fast as his legs could move, see what was wrong and if there was still a chance of it being okay, but another part of him knew it wouldn't be okay, and just wanted to stand in this hallway and fall apart.