SUPER RICH KIDS | PHAN

fifty nine

phil.

"am i fucking stupid?" phil breathed into the phone, focusing on tugging roughly on a string coming from his sofa arm. it didn't budge.

"no," sunny muttered. "you're just making a really, really stupid decision."

phil sighed and groaned, his head falling back. he stared at his off white ceiling, his eyes going glassy. "this is bullshit."

"what is?"

phil could hear sunny making coffee.

"all of it. dan's bullshit. i'm bullshit."

sunny chuckled half heartedly and phil bit his lip. "i agree with that last part."

"do you hate me?"

sunny paused for a second too long. "no."

"you do."

"no, of course i don't." sunny sighed and phil heard him sit down, presumably on his couch. phil thought about dan on that couch the other night, trying to kiss him and telling him to stop being dumb. and then that morning, the same lips telling him goodbye. it had sounded so final. why hadn't phil said anything? "i'm just a little... upset with you."

phil blinked. "you are?"

sunny sighed again and phil could feel his exasperation like a slap in the face. "not everything is fixable, but i believe this is. and you're just choosing not to fix it. it's really disappointing."

a wave of frustration washed over him and phil frowned. who was sunny to tell him he was disappointed? he hadn't even been there.

"you don't understand," phil huffed, scowling at his lap. "you didn't hear him say it. he told me if i thought he still wanted to be with me, i was crazy."

"so?" for once sunny sounded just as annoyed as phil felt and it took him by surprise. "he's a bit dramatic, phil, you know that. but he clearly cares for you enough to look past your faults, so what makes you think he couldn't look past this one? he's not used to having to work you through things like a toddler, phil."

sunny's words stung and phil winced. it felt especially awful coming from him, coming from the good half of him. when phil was a jerk, sunny was the one to fix it. if phil shoved someone, sunny was the one helping them up and assuring them he's not a bad person, really, he didn't mean it...

"but he won't look past this one, sunny," phil muttered.

"neither would i," sunny deadpanned. "i mean, i'm a very forgiving person, and so is dan. but if you did something like that that so personally affected me, and then showed no remorse..."

"i showed remorse," phil said. his voice was too soft and he cleared his throat.

"did you?" sunny took a sharp breath through his nose. "did you apologize? did you ask him what was wrong about what you did and try and fix it? do you even get what's wrong about it?"

"i'm not a fucking therapist, alright?" phil snapped. the defensiveness in him was fighting, rising in his throat. "it's not my job to do all that."

"you're right." for the first time, sunny's voice was cold. "it's not your job to be reasonable, but i thought maybe you could handle it for once. guess i was wrong."

before phil could answer, sunny hung up. the beeping rang in phil's head until he couldn't take it and he dropped his phone and rested his face in his hands.

christ. he had really fucked up. but he wasn't sure what to do, he didn't know how to fix this or who to go to to help him. maybe he shouldn't go to anyone. he should know how to do these things by himself by now, but god, he didn't. not at all.

phil pushed his fingers through his hair stressfully. he didn't know how to dig himself out of this hole.

sunny had always been the one fixing the victim of phil's heartlessness. he'd been the one to clean the scrapes and patch them up before he returned loyally to phil's side.

but maybe this time he wasn't coming back. maybe sunny had chosen dan.

phil wouldn't blame him. dan had gone through so much heartache this year, it was probably an emotional playground for him.

phil shook his head, burying his face in a pillow and squeezing his eyes shut. that wasn't fair... sunny wasn't an emotional tourist. still, maybe phil had overdone it this time. he had taken it too far, and sunny had finally seen that he wasn't the gem he'd thought he was. he really was a bad person, and he was unfixable.

phil flinched when he realized he was crying and wiped frantically at his eyes. he didn't want to lose sunny over this, and he didn't want to lose dan.

but phil had never apologized for something like this. he always rolled with the punches and whoever couldn't handle him, he let go of.

for once he wanted to change. it felt too late for that, though.

phil sat up and took deep breaths, trying not to be pathetic. would dan really listen if he apologized? would he really care? or was he just as stubborn as phil was?

maybe it was time to find out.

phil sighed and rubbed at his eyes.

or maybe it was time to go back to being emotionally devoid and alone.

phil had a lot to think about.