A Blind Love

17.

Always remember to say Alhamdulillah at all time.

I tried to process everything i was being told but it was too much for me.

"What do you mean by you're sorry? How could you say it as if it means nothing? My baby? I...i lost my baby." My hands went to my stomach and truly i couldn't find anything there, it was flat again.

"What happened to my baby?" I cried.

Ali was right beside me, whispering soothing words to me.

I shook my head as i cried frantically "Our baby is gone, Ali."

He hugged me to him "I'm sorry."

My eyes was full of tears but it wouldn't fall. When i realised that it was my fault that i lost my baby, i lost myself.

"It...it was my fault." I gasped.

"Ali, it was my fault. I wasn't careful. I should have gone to call for help, i should...i should have waited for Iman to come. I killed my child...i killed my child."

I tried to breath but it was being difficult. My throat felt dry and was suffocating me.

"No baby! You didn't, i promise it wasn't your fault. This is how Allah has destined it to happen."

I shook my head "Dad?" I knew he was there even though they were all quiet, i knew they were all there.

"Yes, Princess."

"Tell him how i had killed my Mum when i was young. Tell him it's really my fault. Tell him, Dad."

When he didn't answer, i yelled at him "TELL HIM I'M A MURDERER!"

"No, you're not." Ali's calm voice came from beside me.

I let go of him "You should stay away from me. I killed your child, Ali."

He held me closer to him, till i could feel his hot breath on my face "You did none of those things, Ava. I know you very well. I know what you can and can't do and i know that it wasn't your fault. I know it, Ava."

He kissed my forehead "You're a good person."

For the first time in 14 years, i cried for my Mum, and child. I let all my emotions flow in one go. I cried for minutes, it soon turned to hours. I cried till i couldn't anymore. I cried till i fell asleep beside my husband.

........

It is true that Allah can give and he can also take in a matter of seconds. I never thought i could lose my baby till i did. I found it hard to believe and at the same time i was grateful to Allah because he made me learn a lesson.

It had been two weeks after the incident, i was still in the hospital because of my injuries. I so wanted to go back home to my husband. I missed being alone with him.

My family had gone back home after so much insistence though Iman stayed behind. She didn't leave me even for once because she still blamed herself for what happened.

Norah had to go home because of her condition, she was eight months pregnant and she would be due at anytime from now.

Ali took a leave from work and had been here with me. Him and Iman taking turns to take care of me. It was annoying sometimes.

On my third day in the hospital, the doctor told me about the transplantation and i immediately refused. I didn't want anything as such. I was already used to being blind.

Ali spent a week talking some senses into me then i finally agreed. It wasn't as if i also didn't want to see again but...i was scared of many things.