Dear Ryan ➳ Randy [✓]

2.8

12/02/18

Dear Ryan

Do you ever just feel like just giving up?

I feel it all the time. Sure, I'll have these moments where I'm completely fine. I'll feel...almost happy. Then, something will happen and it drags me back down. It's like every step I take forward, I'm pulled a mile back.

I've tried.

I've tried for so long to have a positive outlook on life. I've tried so hard not the let the voices win. So So hard.

But they're so persistant.

I have people around me. I constantly have people around me, telling me how much I mean to them, or how much they love me. But it's all lies. All of it. No one loves me. They're just saying it because they think it's what I want to hear.

People say they care. People always say how much they care and how they're 'there for me'. They don't care. Not really.

Nobody really fucking cares. Because they always leave you. They're there for you until it gets too much for them, and they can't be bothered to deal with my problems anymore. They leave and then, I'm in a worse state then I was before. It's the way it is.

It's the way it's always been.

But...you're seeming to be different. You haven't left me yet. Why haven't you left?

All I am is a burden, holding you back. Making everything about me. Making everything so sad.

But you haven't left. Even after I kissed you. Even after I didn't tell you your ex-girlfriend was cheating on you. Even though I've been ignoring you since we came back from the break.

Why haven't you left me?

Why won't you leave me?

Andy

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

this is why we shouldn't let Lauren's mind be awake at stupid O'clock in the morning.

yep this pretty much sums up my feeling rn.

uh. 2 chapter left. onve again, you may hate me for a while. well that's nothing new is it?

-Lauren