Am I still Invisible?

Chapter 22- Biting My Tongue (not)

Chapter 22

Biting My Tongue (not)

 highly unedited waters- all hands on deck. 

She’s just standing there. Looking at us all as if we were caged animals in a zoo.  Man, its silent in here.

“Surprise,” my dad says rather lamely. What, did he expect us to be excited about our mother returning home after she put us through all of that again? I mean- it sucks having to mother your mother.

“MOMMMY,” Emma exclaims as she runs to our mother and straight into the open arms waiting to receive her and scoop her up into a hug.

It takes me a moment to figure out that Emma is so ecstatic to see her because she is still blissfully unaware that ‘mommy’ was away on a rehab trip.

“Emma, it’s bed time. I’ll tuck you in.” Dad decides. Finally picking up on the fact that we weren’t exactly over the moon. I mean, some time to prepare would have been great dad. I could have taken out my anger in the gym. Now I’ll have to bite my tongue.

It might seem irrational to be so angry and I know that I should be more supportive towards the recovering alcoholic before me but all I feel is fury. Especially when I think of the day I found her and how she lied to Dan’s face the following morning. It brought up so many memories from our childhood.

Things like her staggering in drunk for a school play and everyone turning and looking at her as she screamed at me to sing louder. The time she got drunk and them took it out on a then eleven-year-old Cassie. Telling Cassie (who still had her puppy fat) that she was ugly and fat.  It’s her fault that Cassie became anorexic later on. I remember the time she called Pete, Cassie and I stupid because our marks weren’t as good as Dan’s. Which lead to Dan dumbing himself down to try and prevent her screaming at us.

The worst, by far, was when she started hitting Cassie with a telephone because Cassie didn’t want to go with her to visit grandma. When Cassie managed to get the telephone away she grabbed the remote and continued hitting her. Cassie ran to the kitchen and grabbed a rolling pin. She used it to defend herself against the remote. She ran to the Play Room and locked the door. Mom banged on the door so violently that the top hinge broke and the door was hanging from the bottom hinge and the lock. All the while Cassie stood in between Will, Dan, Pete, Emma and I and the door with the rolling pin high above her head. She was poised to defend us if Mom got in. Luckily Dad and arrived and calmed mom down then calmed Cassie down.

Will was completely terrified of her after that and refused to go near her. He was only five and was convinced my mother was some sort of demonic monster or something.

That was when Mom finally decided to get help. That was when she finally realised what a monster her drinking turned her in. None us of blamed her because we understood that during those times the alcohol controlled her.

However, this time I blamed her. I blamed her because I knew that she knew the effects her alcoholism had and she had gotten over it when she chose to drink again. This was her choice.

“I’m going to…clean the bathroom.” Dylan stutters. Poor boy was so desperate to escape the tension that he couldn’t even make up a decent excuse.