The Younger Girl

Chapter 40

"Collae look at me," I said sternly, he eyes slowly rose to mine a bit glossy, "Everything that's happened is my fault it's not your baggage to carry it's mine, I have to deal with this, and don't think it's only because of the baby, it's because I love you Collae, I've loved you since I fell into you, I guess you could say I fell for you," we both laughed at my very corny joke, "There's nothing more I want then to be with you, I don't care how long it takes for you to trust me, what coping you have to do, just know that I won't be going anywhere."

This wasn't my first time telling her I loved her, the first time I said it I was impulsive with my words just saying anything so she'd stay with me and forgive me. When I said it now, it felt less forced and meaningful. We weren't at a fancy restaurant or a super romantic date. But we were ourselves. And being ourselves and me being comfortable with her is what made me fall for her in the first place.

She hadn't said it back to me and I did think about it often but I would've force her into saying anything until she felt ready to do so.

"Theo I-"

"Collae my sweet girl, you don't have to say it back if you don't feel the same," I raised my hand to wave it off.

"Theo, I love you too," she said sighing almost as if she didn't want to admit it.

"You do?" I questioned because her response wasn't too uplifting.

"I do Theo, I fell for you hard too, even if I didn't want to admit it to myself, I really don't want us to end, you hurt me but I can't help but feel the need to keep you close in my heart, I'm scared and hope I'm not making the wrong decision," she bit her lip slightly before glancing at me quickly before putting her attention to a drink menu.

"Collae, I know it's going to take a while to trust me again and I'm here to wait, I want you bad," I say shamelessly.

"What about college Theo? You'll barely be able to come home..."

"I'm going to figure everything out, I really don't want you stressing out about that okay? I'm not leaving for another five months, and I will be there for your delivery don't worry, okay baby?" The baby slipped but it didn't seem to bother her much. It was almost like she missed me calling her that but no words she spoke would've let me think that.

"I'm scared Theo, what if this doesn't work out, I don't want to be a stigma, this is a lot," she shook her head.

"Are you having second thoughts about us? Or...the baby...?" I didn't want to ask her but it seemed like Collae was really conflicted in her next steps.

"Theo I haven't said this to anyone but I don't think I'm ready for this," She blurted, "I thought that I could handle this and be strong but a baby and I haven't finished school yet? I don't know what lies ahead for me honestly, I don't want this baby to be my life right now you know? Is that selfish of me? I'm so sorry I put you through this wow, fuck I shouldn't have said anything."

I was gagged for words. Collae was so sure a while back that this is what she wanted. It was too late to
get an abortion. I felt for her. I had no idea what she was going through. I wasn't carrying the baby, it wasn't me who had to finish out high school with a baby. I never wanted a baby right now and Collae bashed me for this the day we broke up. I guessed only now she was feeling overwhelmed.

"Collae it's too late to make any decisions , and I've told you, I'm here to help," I reached for her hand and she pulled back disheartening me.

"Theo it's time for us to get real and stop being fucking delusional, you are going to college to play division one basketball, you'll have games like every 3 days and practice everyday, you will not be here to help me, oh my God I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do," she cried.

I was convinced that she was going through a lot emotionally right now and her hormones were through the roof, she was way too confident about having this baby to switch up like this.

"Collae, I mean this with my whole heart, I am going to figure it out for us, please don't stress about it," I reached back to her again and this time she let me grab her soft palms.

"It's just hard Theo," I wiped her tears as I stood up to sit next to her in the secluded booth.

"I couldn't imagine what you're going through right now cauliflower but I can promise you, I will be here right by your side to help you through this," we looked into each others eyes and that sparkle that I missed so much was there again. She nuzzled into my neck and her aroma of coconut and vanilla scent filled my nose.

"Please Theo, don't hurt me again," she sniffled, "I can't take anything else."

"I told you will always have a place in my heart, I won't hurt you again," I kissed the top of her forehead while rubbing her hands. She moved away from the crook of my neck and we were back looking into each others eyes once more.

It was like all of our issues left us for a moment and all I wanted to do was plant my lips on hers but I couldn't without permission. I couldn't read what her next move would be until her eyes slowly closed and she pressed her lips against mine. I was shocked by this, I tensed but quickly calmed down before closing my eyes and kissing her back.

I was craving her, I was craving this kiss, her touch, everything. Just her finally opening up to me again was something I craved from her. I hated that I made her feel that she couldn't trust me anymore. She was my light in my world and I couldn't imagine it without her. Call it young and stupid love but how I felt about her wasn't stupid at all. It would've hurt me bad if I had to let this go.

We never deepened the kiss or entered each other's mouths, this kiss was soft and catering, a longing for kiss but innocent. I pulled back first placing a long kiss on her cheek and she smiled from ear to ear laughing a bit.

"Okay we have a well done bacon cheese burger and a mid rare cheddar burger," Our server cleared her throat looking a bit uncomfortable before dropping our plates off. I always told myself that I wouldn't be one of those couples who kiss at a restaurant but here I was.