dorks//victuuri

thirty six

yuuri's pov

i was torn.

i was so, so so torn.

you're probably thinking 'yuuri you fucking idiot, you have to go back to japan for your mom. you can literally see victor next week if you wanted,' and what you think is true. but victor is busy, i'm busy, coach will be so pissed if i miss my first competition, and if i miss this competition i'm basically out for the season.
victor would be so disappointed. he's the one who convinced me to come back to the competitive world in the first place, and now i've just completely thrown that back in his face.

although all these thoughts were still swarming my brain like wasps- gritty, and raw- phichit was still looking up the first flight to japan, insisting i get on it and he'll speak to celestino and it'll all be okay. he tried to reassure me with all the comforting words in the book, and shared some past experiences with loosing a family member, but my mind was a mental wall. nothing was going through, and the thoughts and decision making was all happening on the inside; where no one could reach them.
mostly everything in me was screaming to go back home. there was a flight that left in 7 hours, if i pack rapidly and sprint out the door i could still make it.

'fuck it.' i bolted up and forcibly pulled my suitcase out my cupboard, furiously throwing in as much clothes and chargers as i can (some i can't even remember if they're mine or not; me and phichit are the same size in hoodies anyway.) speaking of phichit, he was currently pacing up and down our narrow hallway, on the phone to the airport telling them this was an emergency and "you better make sure that goddamn boy is on that fucking plane."
i knew what would come out of me going home. the guilt of leaving victor, the constant worry aching every muscle that i'm missing my first competition and technically that whole season, the sinking feeling that i've let everyone i know around me down. but in this moment, i knew what was right.
so i gave phichit a long, lingering hug, slugged in the taxi outside, and prayed to god this wasn't the beginning of the end for my mom.

-

yuurikatsudon- ...hi

v-nikiforov- phichit told me what happened

v-nikiforov- you need to go to japan

yuurikatsudon- i'm on my way :,) but i feel terrible. every single conversation for the past 40 days, every ounce of excitement, all down the drain. you must be so pissed

v-nikiforov - i'm not pissed angel. i could never be pissed at you for something like this. i know how much your mom means to you, we can wait. i'm here for you every step of the way. we'll just have to put us on hold for a bit, okay? please focus on your family for now. i'm always here if you need me

yuurikatsudon- can i even love you any more

v-nikiforov - not as much as i love you baby, you are so brave for doing this all by yourself

yuurikatsudon- but i'm not by myself, i have you, phichit, my dad, minako, yuuko, mari, everyone back home. and that why things like this feel so new now. before i was fighting everything all by myself, but i don't feel that way anymore

v-nikiforov- i'm so proud of you angel

v-nikiforov - i don't say i love you enough but i love you so so much you'll never know

yuurikatsudon- i love you even more :,( i promise, i'll see you soon. even if i have to give every penny i have, i don't care, i'll be with you someday