Changing is hard

Part 30

           

It's so quiet. It feels like the walls are closing in on me. This can't be real. I can't breathe so I look up at the celling. I close my eyes as I take a breath and try to calm myself down. I can't break. I won't break down in front of them but I also can't do the one thing that I want to do right now because Henry would never forgive me. I take one last breath before putting up all the walls that I have inside of me. I open my eyes again and can feel a tear roll down my cheek. I put my evil queen face on again and look at her. The one person I thought I couldn't hate more. Guess there is an even worse feeling than hate. Nothing. I look her in the eyes. I can see the tears running down her face and the shocked expression. Usually when I look at her I feel hatred but now... Now I don't feel anything. Nothing. I just honestly couldn't care less about her.

"I.. I am.. so... sorry..." she stutters before breaking down in tears. I look at Snow and Charming and I can see shock, hurt and disappointment on their faces. I look back at the little boy next to me. He is holding my hand as tight as he can, and I can see disappointment, hurt and tears in his eyes. But there is something else as well. Something that I cant really pinpoint. Is it... no it can't be... right? But the longer I look at him the more I can see it. It's anger. He is angry at his birthmother. I look back at Emma and try to stay as calm as I can which is surprisingly easy.

"Get out." I say in a calm voice.

"Regina I... never... Henry.." she stutters again as I can feel Henry's grip tighten once again.

"I said get out of my house, Miss Swan! Now! I would also appreciate it if you'd never step foot in this house again. You know what? Scratch that, I never want to see your face again. I hope you are happy about what you've done. Although looking at you now, with your tears and pathetic excuses I sincerely doubt that. Now get out before I throw you out through the window." I let go of Henry's and Tink's hands to step closer to Miss Swan. It's only a few inches between our faces now.

"We both know I can do it. I will count to three now, Miss Swan and you most certainly don't want me to get to three if you want to leave the house with some dignity left. One... " I step even closer to her. "Two.." She looks at the floor before looking back in my eyes.

"I am really sory. I never wanted.."

"Emma." I hear a surprisingly stern but yet so familiar voice. She turns to look at Emma. She raises her eyebrows and Emma turns to ook at her as well. She looks at her with sad puppy dog eyes. As if she'd just told her mother that she got an F on an exam.

"I think you should leave." Snow continues and shakes her head while Charming pulls her closer to him. Emma turns her head to look at Henry but he looks away and doesn't meet her eyes. She starts to walk past us and I know that she is gone when I hear the door closing ever so softly. I take one last look at Snow, David, Tink and Henry before telling them that they are welcome to stay but I'd want be left alone. With that said I squeeze Tinks and Henrys hands one more time before turning on my heel and walking to my room. Just a few more steps. You can make it. Just a few more seconds before you are alone and you can break down.