I grunt as I wake up to another nightmare, tears in my eyes. Can't a guy sleep after an emotionally troubling night without being woken up? I certainly hope he can.
The nightmares were always there since I was a kid. They've become worse after that horrible scene on that unfortunate day. But they've been getting better to bear. With each day that Tiana's here, her skin warm and soft and so so alive, they're a bit better to bear. But they never stop. They're always there, making me fear the very thing that's supposed to rejuvenate me.
It's a tiring process.
I grunt again, but this time in pain, as I feel someone hit my chest. I turn to look at Tiana, who's trashing and twisting and crying silently. Her face seems to be contorted in a mixture of pain and anger and her body seems to be shivering. Then, abruptly, she curls into herself, muttering pleas and apologies.
I wish I could fucking kill the piece of shit that did this to her.
I hold her arm to comfort her but that just makes her shivering and pleading worsen until she looks miserable.
It truly is horrible to be trapped in your own self.
Feeling hopelessness settle on me like the unwanted weight it is, I try my best to think of a solution as my own hands shake. I hate seeing her like this. I hate seeing her so weak and helpless and low and miserable. I wish I could protect her from everything. But, in the end, the only thing I have to protect her from is herself. And that is a battle she must fight on her own.
Doesn't mean I won't be there for her every step of the way.
I watch helplessly as she shivers, her fear seeming to grow with each second she's stuck in her own mind. In her nightmare that was her reality. My mind runs through everything's she's ever said to me, searching for anything that could help her out, when it stops at one particular moment.
Music. She likes music.
I think of a song to sing and the only thing that comes to mind is "You are my Sunshine." I look towards the scared girl that's slowly digging her way into my heart and sigh.
I start singing the song, my voice small and shaky and scared.
"The other day, dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamt I held you in my arms
When I woke, dear, I was mistaken,
So I hung my head and I cried"
As soon as I finish the first verse, I'm reminded of the dreams, or rather nightmares, where I hold her in my arms too. Only, she's dead in my nightmares. Dead and cold and pale and bloody. I wake up every time with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart in my chest, reminding myself that she's alive and well.
I shake my head to rid myself of the thoughts and turn to look at Tiana, hoping I helped in any way.
Her shivering has reduced. It's still there though and the fear and pain still contorts her face. But the shivering has reduced.
I smile at the victory and, for a second, I wonder if it's a mistake choosing this song if it's her I'm singing it to. My sunshine.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."
Tears slip past my eyes and onto my cheeks as I sing the last line. It's a punch to the gut, that line. It's a reminder of just how much this girl with her big green eyes means to me. It's a reminder of how much I'll lose if I lose her. A reminder how just how happy she makes me.
YOU ARE READING
Her Last WishTeen Fiction
Tiana Collin's life is horrible and she knows this. With an abusive father and a druggie for a mother and with absolutely no friends at school, she didn't think her life meant much. So she decided to end it. But before she ended her life, she wants...