𝗜 𝗙𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗜𝗡 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗙𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗗 | 𝗕𝗟

T-H-I-R-T-Y

I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY BESTFRIEND
BY: Non_Exqusite

CHAPTER THIRTY

BEAM'S POV

    It's been five days.

    Five days of absolutely nothing.

    I haven't seen or talked to Kit for five days and I feel like I'm about to go crazy. We've never gone this long without talking or seeing each other before and it's all my fault.

    Why did I have to kiss him. Why did I have to be so impulsive and do something so stupid. It was what I had always dreamed of and it felt so good but that satisfaction was long gone once I realized what I had done, and the repercussions of my actions. I took his first kiss with out his permission. It was something he had never intended on giving me and I just took it without thinking about how he would feel.

    Which is a feeling I know too well. I know he hates me now.

    I've tried to call him several times but his number won't go though. It always says it's unavailable. I've tried going to his house but his never there. And I know his going out of his way to avoid me. I don't like it at all. But there is nothing I can do about it. All I can do is wait for him to give me the chance to apologize. If he ever wants to that is. What I did was horrible and unforgivable.

    I've been in bed all day. I feel absolutely exhausted both physically and mentally. I feel like I'm caught between a cross road. My loyalty is being tested and my heart is breaking. I don't know what to do in this situation. I feel like I'm suffocating, like I'm drowning in my own emotional decisions. I keep making one mistake after another and I'm starting to seriously think there is something wrong with me.

    First I go and put Pha on the spot, and got him to say something he didn't mean, all because I thought I'd was funny to see him get flustered, leading to his crush having the wrong idea about him. Then I go and sleep with a guy that I can't even remember what he looked like, all because I couldn't deal with Kit's confession about his feelings for Pha. Then I go and kiss kit, and confess my feelings knowing that he didn't return those feelings at all and possibly destroying our entire friendship in the process.

    How many more bad decisions do I have to make before I self distract. I honestly don't know what to do and I feel like I'm just heading for an emotional breakdown and I don't know how to stop it

    "Life sucks" Phana says as he cames into my room and lays down next to me on my bed. Suddenly, I'm finding my body being dragged by him as he pulls me in a tight embrace while he laid his head on my chest.

    "What happened?" I asked I ran my fingers through his hair trying to comfort him. Today he met up with N'Wayo and from his behaviour, I'm not so sure it ended well.

    "We- he said that he liked me" he said.

    "Well that's great" I say. I'm happy for him. But at the same time I feel sad for Kit. His the one who will hurt the most from this. But why is Pha acting like this since N'Wayo likes him too.

    "No. It's not" -Pha.

    "Why?" I asked him. Isn't this a good thing. Isn't this what he wanted? Isn't this part of why we've both been so stressed out these past couple of days.