After Dark

52.

With each step it feels even stranger.
That makes me think about the past again. I haven't been thinking about my time as a human for a long time. You could say that I have repressed it.

It's as if time's standing still. A strange 'feeling' obscures my mind.

With such a 'feeling' that somehow resembles nervousness, I've only gone downstairs once.
It was a few weeks before my transformation.
Since the beginning of my undead life, I haven't mentioned his name anymore.
His name was Ben.
At least he called himself Ben because he didn't like his full name.
Benedict.
He always hated it, it sounded boring for him.

~ Flashback ~

I hear mother calling for me. After a strange conversation, she sends me up to get newly dressed. That's why I can imagine what happens next.
For every occasion you have to be newly dressed. You always have to make a good impression and be well dressed.
I hate that, but that's the way it is. We girls are degraded in many things.

Even when riding. This is unfortunately prohibited for girls.
Only the boys learn it, for wars in the future.

That's why Ben secretly taught me when we were kids. Because of this mystery that we shared, I began to like him even more.
We knew from childhood that we would marry one day.

And now it's nearly time.

Lost in thought, I'm sitting in front of the mirror, while my foster-mother picks up the dress, which my mother has picked out for me. It's a far-flung dress that's a bit too long. Small roses are sewn on it. The sleeves only go up to the elbows.
It has a color that I didn't know until now.
(Today it's called light blue)

It looks like it was very expensive.
I know dad gets much money, but mom spends too much for the clothes.

As I keep thinking, the foster-mother ties the corsage a little harder. This makes it hard to breathe.

Now she starts to do my hair. She puts it up, but then dissolves two strands and strokes them behind my ears.
When she's ready, I turn around to her. She smiles satisfied.
I must confess she is more of a mother to me, even though she didn't give birth to me.

She asks me if I'm ready. I hesitantly nod.
Shortly afterwards, I hear Mother calling again.
It seems that he arrived.
So I leave the room and go slowly down the big staircase.

They're all standing downstairs and looking up to me, which makes me nervous.
Am I really ready for the wedding?
Well many girls in my age are already married and mother at least one child.
There's also some time left before the wedding.

The wedding was actually scheduled for last year, but had to be postponed for a year because my dad was traveling a long time and didn't want to miss it. My mother said it would be good to have some more time to learn how to be a real lady.

My gaze falls on my mother, who gives me signs to keep standing straight.
Before I can realize, I face Ben.
He looks amused.
Do I blush?
After a welcome and a light hand kiss, we go to the salon in the back of the house.
My parents are going ahead.

He hands his arm to me, so I go with him and try not to stumble over the fabric of the dress.
"I thought you would stuck on the banister with this dress", he says with a smile.
I start to smile too.
"But I have to admit that it suits you", he adds, now I'm blushing again. When he said that I had the feeling that he wanted to say something else.
Do I look stupid?
My smile disappeares. He seems to notice it.
"To be honest, you look wonderful", he whispers and make me smile again.
He can't say something like that in front of our parents. It's not the right behavior. I don't know why.

When we arrive at the salon, he turns to my father and has a long conversation with him about his travels.
I just calmly watch my tea and stop listening until Ben pulls me out of my thoughts. Suddenly a servant enters the room. In his hands he holds a kind of gift. He hands it to me and then leaves the room again.

I immediately know what it is and look questioningly at Ben, who just smiles. Slowly I open it and see a beautiful blue dress.
Astonished, I look at it and then hug him.
Suddenly, I hear my mother inhale sharply, whereupon I let him go again and apologize.
He says nothing and just smiles.
I'm so happy and my doubts are forgotten.

~ Flashback end ~

This was the dress that I also wore at my transformation.

I realize that I stopped briefly. Everyone looks at me. Clarissa is already downstairs. Now I go faster and stand in front of him. He looks at me.
"We only give you a chance", I say, looking straight into his eyes.
"Thank you", he says softly and returns my gaze.
Whether it makes sense is still unclear. That will hopefully show up soon.

We all sit down on the couch,
"Okay, well then tell me what happened", I say, watching him.
He hesitates and then starts to speak.