Soccer imagines

•ivan rakitic•

Credits to fortheloveoffutbol
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When did you realize that addiction was your life?

The first time I pushed it through my veins. The hug it gave me, I never experienced in my life. It wouldn't let me go...

I couldn't have been more disengaged from the current conversation than I was right now as my four closest friends sat around me, engaged in talks amongst each other while I scrolled through my messages from Ivan.

Ivan...

Just the sight of his contact name and the familiar syntax of his words made my heart flutter. This was the first I had experienced this sort of love, something so addictive and satisfying. I had never been in a relationship where I did more accepting than pushing away. I had a habit of pushing guys away who were too clingy but with Ivan, things were different. I longed for her presence whenever he was absent. I found myself thinking of him 24/7 as I got dressed in the morning, as he slept by my side, whenever. Ivan was a constant fixture in my mind.

My friends hated it which was why I was sitting outside on the patio of this café rather than being by my boyfriend's side during a rare moment of him being home for an extended time. I was sure he was either laid out on the couch half asleep chewing down on snacks or in bed completely knocked out. I definitely wanted to be by his side but my friends had dragged me out regardless of my protests to stage the beginning of their 'intervention'.

Step 1? Get me to realize I was far too attached to my boyfriend of 7 months and 8 days.

"You do realize this is the first time you've been out with us in weeks, right?" Alissa commented from the other side of the table. I simply shrugged in response. During those few weeks I got to enjoy the company of my boyfriend. I didn't want to make it seem like I didn't enjoy the company of my friends but it wasn't as if we hadn't all experienced this before. Alissa herself had disappeared for months when she found herself attached to an attractive man visiting from Belgium.

How ironic for her to now be criticizing my decisions.

"I'm here now, aren't I? I don't see what the big deal is," I combatted. "You all act like I've just stopped answering your calls and messages. I'm still around. I'm just not as involved with girls' night and stuff."

And how could they blame me for that? I figured as 'true' friends they'd be grateful I had found happiness with my boyfriend but maybe I was being too optimistic.

"All we're saying is that you shouldn't get too attached. That's all. I mean...I'd hate to see you invest everything you have into this man for it to end. You two are already living together and you haven't even been dating a year!" That was the ever so logical Nina now speaking. She detested relationships and happiness and practically anything pleasant so I wasn't surprised to hear the darkly emotional figure do the same to my prosperous relationship.

I could only laugh in response. "So this is a meeting for you all to give me relationship advice? That's what this has turned into? I would think my best friends would be happy for me but excuse me, I guess I was wrong," I spoke in mock dismay, my hand going up to my chest to further illustrate my fake shock.

"And we are happy for you," Bri butted in. "It's great to see you so happy and you totally deserve it but do you really have to do it while being so far stuck up your boyfriend's ass?"

That was when I rolled my eyes in honest disapproval. Probably because maybe a slight piece of me started to feel as if they may be right about my extended absence. It had long been pointed out to me in jokes that I was always by my boyfriend's side and when I wasn't, I was filling his inbox with messages to stay connected and talking. I guess now the jokes were now being tossed to the side and replaced with pure honesty.

"I don't know," I mumbled, looking down to my fingers as I began fumbling with them as I often did when I had something on my mind. After a moment of silence, I looked back between the concerned faces of my friends. "I guess I've never felt this way before. You all know how terrible my past relationships have started out...and ended. Ivan is just different and I'm a bit scared that if I let him slip for a second he'll start to find my faults or worse, find someone he thinks is better."

Yes, I enjoyed his company so much but there was a method to my madness and that was my insecurity. I didn't like talking about it, I didn't like thinking about it. I liked to think it didn't exist but it did and it was largely influencing my decisions regarding how to go about how to best handle my relationship that I now found to be addicting.

I ran my hands across my face in frustration while my friends watched on in sympathy. "Just talk to him about it. You have nothing to worry about."

–

I dropped my keys onto the counter and called out my boyfriend's name but was met with no answer. Furrowing my brows, I moved further into the home and down the hall. As soon as I rounded the corner, I was met with a mischievous smile as Ivan jumped out towards me in an attempt to scare me.

I jumped back in surprise while he just laughed in response before pulling me closer to him for a hug. "Did it work? I've been plotting on that for weeks." I playfully pushed his chest to break apart our hug. "You suck!"

"I know, I know. How was lunch with your friends?" He dropped his hands into the pockets of his sweats and leaned against the nearby wall comfortably, awaiting my response. "It was...good."

It seemed my awkward pause caught his attention as his eyebrow raised with curiosity. "Just good?" I cleared my throat and ran my fingers through my hair knowing that the conversation I had been dreading and rehearsing in my head since I got in the car to drive home was probably about to come out as a garbled mess.

"Does it bother you when I'm around too much?" I bit down on my lip as I nervously awaited his response. His eyes narrowed and his arms crossed over each other as if he was confused with my question. "What do you mean?"

"Like...we spend a lot of time together. Do you ever think we spend too much time together?" I elaborated. His facial expression remained the same though he slowly shook his head. "No. I don't think so. Why? Is something wrong?"

"No. I-I just started to think of it. That's all." I gave a weak smile as I began to try and walk past him but Ivan simply reached out for my arm to stop me. "There's a reason you're asking. What is it?"

I heaved a sigh before turning on my heels to look directly at him. "I get insecure sometimes in thinking that if I give you too much space you'll find a way to create more between us. I don't want that to happen so I make sure I'm always around. My friends pointed out that maybe that isn't such a good thing and maybe we spend too much time together. I'm thinking they may be right."

His response wasn't one I expected as his face turned from serious and confused to one of amusement as he let out a small chuckle. "Seriously? That's why you seem so worried? Babe..." He pulled me closer by my arm until we were chest to chest, his eyes staring delicately down into mine.

"I love spending time with you. Do we spend more time together than most couples? Maybe. But I don't mind that," he quickly assured. "I want as much time with you as I can possibly get." Ivan dropped his hand from my elbow and brought it up to send my hair behind my ear, trying to gain a better view of my face. "Just imagine. There's going to come a time where I'm old and retired and no longer good at football," he chuckled before continuing, "And then we'll really be stuck together all day."

He placed a kiss to my forehead, soothingly rubbing his hand up and down my arm. "I love you. Every single second I'm with you."