Seize the Miracle, Capture your Love [BoyxBoy]

Twenty Nine (Clark)

Although Axel and I started dating, we haven't had any real progress in our relationship. He was proactively trying to advance, but I still had this tall wall in front of me,

I know it's unfair to him, but I guess I was still very afraid of getting hurt.

The less intimate we are, the less I'll get hurt when he leaves me. I kept on thinking that, and in the end, it only made me feel guilty.

Axel is a nice guy, really. He doesn't deserve someone who has a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to a relationship. It's frustrating. I like really Axel, but I can't show it to him, I can't fully express it because of my fear.

I feel a bit jealous of Damien and Teo. Damien could freely show how much he loves Teo, and he doesn't care where it is, or who might see it. And Teo, he might be shy, but his the way he looks at Damien, the way he touches him, and the way he talks to him, it's very clear how deep his love for him is.

Those two already introduced each other to their parents and yet mine was still clueless about Axel.

My relationship with my Dad became strained when he learned about me and Nelson, but my Mom was a different story. She was very supportive. And during those dark depressed days, she was the one who was always by my side.

My Mom was all I had then, before I met Damien and James.

Meanwhile, all I had done was be sarcastic towards Axel. I guess, Nelson left a deeper wound in me than I thought.

It was the weekend after Teo's birthday, and it was the day I finally decided to let go of my past with Nelson and forget all about it. Doing that was the only way that I could move forward with Axel.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive you?" Axel insisted as I told him over the phone that I was going out, alone.

"I'm fine on my own." I told him. "I just need to buy something, I wouldn't take long." It was a lie.

I wasn't going out to buy something, and I didn't want him to know what I was up to. Not that I wanted to hide or lie to him, I just didn't want him to think more of it.

"Okay, will we be having lunch together?" Axel asked.

"Ummm... I'm not sure. I'll call you." I told him.

Honestly, I felt guilty. More so, because I was about to meet my ex, Nelson.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't cheating on Axel. I just wanted to move on from my past with Nelson, and I figured that I can only really move on if I talk to him.

I have no plans on forgiving him, or even being friends with him again. If anything, I just wanted to tell him that we should both forget what happened.

I don't want to be stuck in that memory forever. I want to make new ones with Axel.

I was in front of the elevator when Nelson called. "I'm on my way, you didn't have to call."

"Just making sure..." He said.

"Of what? I'm not you, Nelson. Once I promised something, I see through it." I told him. "I won't take long, I'll text you when I'm there." I told him as the elevator opened.

Honestly, I'm not sure exactly how I should talk to Nelson. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't agree by most of my demands, but it's worth a shot. All I was thinking back then, was that after that day, I could focus on Axel.

No more fears of intimacy, no more dears of being left behind.

When I told Nelson to meet over breakfast, I didn't expect him to make a huge fuss over it. I mean, of all places, he chose the one we always used to go to. It brought back many memories that ultimately led to me remembering how he left me behind.