Heavenly // h.s.

chapter 27. over and over

There's a new picture that's hung on the dinner wall. It's not another beautiful artwork made by Harry, but Aleah and Harry's wedding photo. She's stands confidently beside him with her beautiful dress and Harry stands tall and stiff next to her. They hold hands and frozen smiles adorn their faces.

"It's good, isn't it?" Aleah asks behind me, making me jump a bit.

"Y-yeah," I answer before shuffling away.

"I'm going to a business trip and coming back in a week," she says, making me halt. "Don't do anything wrong with Harry while I'm gone."

I stand still for a couple seconds before running up to my room. I jump on the bed and cover myself with the thick cover. My face feels hot and every nerve in my body says I won't be able to survive the week. I think they're right.

~~

Aleah had left without even a goodbye for me. I stared out the window and watched Harry kiss her cheek before she drove off. I watched him watch her. Even though all I saw were the curls that bloomed out of the back of his head, I knew what he was feeling.

I was feeling that too.

I carefully walk down the stairs and see Harry walk in with a face that tugs my heart. Dark circles hang underneath his dull green eyes. The wrinkles on his face are more prominent. He looks paler and thinner. I want to rush to him, hug him, kiss him, and take care of him.

But I'm just his sister-in-law.

"Are you okay?" is all I can ask while standing almost ten feet away from him.

He doesn't even look up.

"Yes," he answers back with no soul.

"Really?" I ask again, taking a cautious step towards him.

"It's fine," he snaps before walking off to the kitchen.

As cold as it was, that conversation had been longer than the past conversations we had ever since the wedding combined. All I want is for us to be normal, but how can we when we are clearly still in love with each other?

"Harry, wait," I yell as I run down the stairs and jog towards Harry, who was standing still at my words.

"What?" he asks softly, but there's still an edge to his words.

"I'm here for you," I whisper, wishing the space between us didn't have to be so huge.

He scoffs, and it scares me.

"So what, you want me to tell you all the problems in my life that's making me want to just jump off a cliff?" Harry asks as he pushes his hand through his hair. 

"I-I jus-"

"You're my problem," he snaps as he turns around, his angry eyes glistening.

I stand speechless as I take a step back. This isn't the Harry I know. This is the Harry that scares me. This is the Harry that would kill someone and not feel a pinch of guilt.

"You keep trying to approach me, when all I want is for you to leave me the fuck alone," he yells as he takes two fast steps towards me.

Within a flash, he has me pinned against the wall and I'm powerless in this position. I'm shocked, afraid, and sad by his words and how painful his expression looks. His eyes are coated with a thick coat of tears and his body is about to rip into parts from how pained he is.

"Harry-"

"I still love you," he shouts in my face as tears flood down his eyes. "And I'm not supposed to be. You keep making me fall for you over and over again."

"Harry," I start to say as he looked down and sobs, "I love you too."

The grip he has on my wrists loosen and I'm free. Instead of running away from this man, who has become self-destructive, who might explode in a second, I hug him tightly. All I want him to feel is warmth, and not pain. He hugs me back and places his head on my shoulder as I cover my face with his chest.

"I'll always love you, Harry," I whisper, feeling my own tears start to fall down my eyes. 

"Why?" he asks with his raspy voice. "Why do you keep choosing me when I'll just hurt you over and over again?"

"I'll always choose you. In all circumstances. Not loving you is even more painful than choosing someone else," I confess.

"Why must you be so beautiful with your words?" he whispers. "It makes me fall for you deeper and deeper."

I giggle a little as I close my eyes and inhale his scent. It warms me and I just want to embrace him for the rest of my life.

"Let's hug for just a little longer," I suggest.

"Okay," he answers back.

Harry Styles.

When you love someone, you know that you have to let go of them at one point. And I love Scarlet with every cell in my body. But I hurt her, and she's too naive to leave me for her own good. I make her cry, make her drink, and make her weak. I have killed the Scarlet that snapped at people and had a loud, confident voice.

I ruined her. And if no one will punish me for it, I'll punish myself with it.

For just one week, I'll love her as if it's just the two of us. We'll eat breakfast together and throw pieces of bacon at each other. We'll lie down on the yard and stare at the stars while talking about a future together. We'll sleep in a bed together and make love. We'll pretend as if we're the newly weds. 

And then I'll leave her and Aleah for good.