Heavenly // h.s.

chapter 11. death then suffering

I grabbed Harry's car key, which was on the counter as if it was waiting for me. My left hand gripped my phone tightly as my right hand just as tightly held the key. With my heart beating wild, I ran out of the house and raced towards his car. I swung open the door and jumped in. I inserted the key and twisted it, making the car roar into life. With one last sigh, I threw my phone to the passenger seat, buckled in my seatbelt, and drove away to where Jake and I first kissed.

Within four minutes, I safely got to the random neighborhood Jake and I got lost in. We were laughing as we ran around the neighborhood we found. It was stupid, but it was fun. He grabbed my waist and before I could let out another strong of laughter, he pressed his cold lips against mine. That bittersweet memory made my heart clench and heavy.

I stopped Harry's car and got out, frantically looking for Jake. I hoped with desperation that he was still here. In the darkness, my phone's flashlight my only source of light, I searched for him like a little girl searching for her mom.

A hand from behind tapped my shoulder. I snapped around and let out a relieved sigh when I saw Jake with some sort of bandage on his nose. He had a lopsided grin as he opened his arms. After hesitating for a couple seconds, I hugged him. It felt like home and felt so familiar.

Once we both pulled away, he opened his mouth, but no words came out. His head snapped to the right as I followed him. My eyes met the shining lights of a car racing towards us. Panic rose in me, but I was frozen in my spot. I could only look away and hold tightly unto Jake. If I was going to die like this, I want to be in his arms.

But the hit never happened. After a couple seconds, I opened my closed eyes and looked up to see Jake suddenly burst into laughter. I looked towards the car and saw Sarah and her friends get out of the car with her, also laughing. I started to walk away from them as I furrowed my brows. I was confused but also had a feeling I knew what was going on.

"I can't believe you actually came," Jake started to say once he started to calm down.

"What a stupid whore," Sarah said as she wrapped her arm around his.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice quiet and pathetic.

"You know, I didn't realize we almost killed you the way you killed your parents," Sarah said with a smirk, making words suddenly evaporate out of my mouth and my mind blank. "Except we actually didn't kill you, while you killed your parents. If I remember correctly, I heard your mom's head was just all red from blood right? And your dad's head got decapitated. Pity, if they didn't have a psycho daughter like you, they would still be here. Why did you have to kill them, Scarlet? Did they love your sister more than they loved you? Or did you just want them to suffer and die in front of your eyes? You get off on that, psycho?"

My lungs felt as if it collapsed. My heart felt as if it was ripped into pieces. My bones felt as if it was being broken all over my body. My nerves went high and caused rippling pain. I felt so weak and exposed as they walked towards me. Tears were caught in my eyes, making my vision blurry. They were a mashed off, disfigured blurs of black and blue.

"I didn't kill them," was all I could say.

Jake walked towards me with his stupid smirk. At this point, I couldn't step back anymore. My back was bending against the hood of Harry's car.

"I won't ever love you, psycho," Jake whispered into my ear. "Die alone and suffer for your parents."

His words echoed in my head. I felt as if I was submerging underneath water. I was so shocked I couldn't even cry. All I could do was look into his eyes and hope to see a little kindness or regret of what he had just said.

But all I saw was darkness. His eyes were cold and I knew he meant every single word. He never loved me.

That day I helped him get up from falling off his bike and him telling me I was like a beautiful angel helping him with the dorkiest grin, was all a lie.

That day he laid out the blanket and took out all the food he prepared for the picnic while telling me how special he felt to be with was all a lie.

That day he kissed me and hugged me, my back against the tree, the branches swinging above me, telling me that I was the one, that he loved me, was all but a lie.

That day he laid me down on his bed and touched me gently, telling me how he was glad I would be his first and only, kissing and treating my body like it was holy, was all a lie.

This day, him calling me a psycho, him saying he never loved me, and treating me like I'm not even worth a penny, was all real.

All the memories I cherished at the bottom of my heart were lies.

"You've killed me," I whispered loud enough for Jake to hear, but not the others, "and I'm suffering. My mind's replaying every happy memory we had, and it's killing me. I loved you. I fucking loved you. And right now, I still love you like a stupid dog. Be proud of yourself. You managed to kill me, and then make me suffer. You manage to do something that was impossible before. You completely, without even a little mistake, broke me. You ruined me."

Before he could say anything, I walked away and got in Harry's car. The bright headlights brightened the darkness, and I took one last look at Jake. He was my everything. He was my first love. And he was my second killer.

I drove away and hoped that it'll get better and that time will heal my wounds. Even though I already know that it won't. Nothing will.