Knowing Heartbreak

Chapter Three

Knowing Heartbreak

Chapter Three

I woke up to the harsh light coming from the only window in my room, causing me to turn over in bed and cover my face with the duvet I bought yesterday. After lunch with Maggie and June I went shopping for household items, then I took a cab back home to my apartment, and after I dropped everything off, I went to the supermarket and bought everything I needed.

I spent two hours putting everything in it’s place, from the duvet on my bed to the orange juice in my fridge.

Yesterday was Sunday, so the school I’m going to enroll into, wasn’t open, but today is Monday, so I have to head to Richmond High. For some reason, I felt as if I wasn’t ready. I didn’t hate school, I have always been fairly smart and my grades were never lower than a B. School was always easy for me and if I kept the whole heartbreaker thing to myself, I fit in alright.

Last night, laying in bed, I realized something; I definitely cannot break anymore hearts after this one. The thought had already popped into my mind, but last night, looking at the white ceiling, I thought of ways I could go around it, but I couldn’t find any. I mean, the point of breaking hearts was so they never did it to anyone else again, I couldn’t just break the heart of one guy in college and the next day stroll into a lecture with another guy, they were never supposed to see my face again. I thought about switching colleges, but they wouldn’t let me transfer mid-semester just for the hell of it, and once I could transfer I would have to go through a lot of paperwork, plus I doubt I can continuously transfer colleges for four to five years. But I couldn’t just stay in the same place and keep on breaking hearts, because after a while word is going to get around and no guy will fall into the trap.

Then, after all that thinking I thought about what I could do instead of breaking hearts. Breaking hearts for me was like a drug and I always needed a dose. I knew it was sick and that eventually I would need help, but if I wasn’t in the midst of breaking a heart I didn’t feel alright. I couldn’t deal properly with myself if I didn’t know I was lying to guy straight in the face and making him fall for me. At first I use to wonder too much about what could possibly bring me such pleasure out of breaking a heart, but now it was just normal, routine. I knew that every day this ‘addiction’ –if that’s what you can call it- was getting worse. The thought of not being able to stop the urge sacred me to the core. I needed to be in control of my emotions, because a while back this sick thing became a need of mine.

I pushed the duvet off me and, groaned before rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I wasn’t a morning person, but I wasn’t grumpy either. As my eyes fluttered open, I untangled my legs from the duvet and swung me legs to the edge of the bed and stood up. I made my way to the door, opening it and directly going for the bathroom.

As I stood in front of the mirror, I turned on the tab and splashed my face with water and dried it with a small towel. I looked up, and stared at my reflection. My brown eyes stared back at me, while my flat brown hair framed my face. Honestly, I never understood why guys ever found me so attractive, I just knew that it worked.

I quickly did my morning routine and got dressed. I headed over to the kitchen, searching my handbag on the way. I put my handbag on the countertop, opening the fridge in search of what I could easily make for breakfast. I decided on a ham and cheese sandwich. I put two slices of bread in the toaster and once again searched my bag.