Knowing Heartbreak

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Knowing Heartbreak

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"Snip? Sniper? Open up!" I heard Jane yelling from the hallway, knocking on my door as if she was prepared to barrel it down.

I stood up from my place on the bathroom mat, taking the box of tissues into my hand. I dragged my feet across the hallway and into the living room and then to open the door.

"Sniper!" Exclaimed Jane, as she jumped on me and enveloped me in a hug, making me tumble a little and drop the box of tissues. "You're okay." She muttered.

Physically, sure.

Jane stepped away from me, my heart feeling a little bit heavier. Next to Jane stood Eric holding the box I dropped.

"I'm really sorry, to both of you." I said quietly, looking down.

They didn't deserve my stupidity. Eric was a good friend and told me what I needed to know, and Jane was just trusting of her boyfriend, it was really just wrong of me not to trust them.

But no, I trusted a target. A fucking target. I'm even more stupid for falling in love with him.

"It's fine, Sniper. We just want you to be okay." Eric said, handing me a tissue when he heard me sniffle.

"Yeah, I don't care anymore, we don't care." Jane said in a matter of a fact way.

"But I sold our friendship for some guy..." I trailed off, confused.

"I think you did a fairly human thing. I know you don't think about it this way, Sniper, but all the wrong things you've done are just you being a human. A person who's heart beats, a person who has a lot of emotions. You just don't like to show them, so you think this is the best way to get rid of them." Jane told me, and I felt sympathy seep through her tone.

"Plus, it's not like you went out on a murder spree, you just... Might have emotionally scarred a few people." Eric shrugged his shoulders simply, then Jane slapped his chest and glared at him as if to say shut up.

"He's right, you know. Maybe not each guy, but yeah." I looked down and fidgeted, what he told me immediately coming to mind.

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Eric said, after a few moments of silence.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I mean... Whatever it is, has you like this, so it's not good, so just tell us when you're ready okay." Jane hugged me again, making me feel a little less horrible for a millisecond. "I think you should sleep, Sniper." She told me once she pulled back from the hug.

I didn't have to look in the mirror to know that my under eyes looked black and purple. I had them on a daily basis, so I could only imagine what they looked like now.

"I'm fine." I whispered, knowing that even if I did sleep, it wouldn't be peaceful at all. I have nightmares normally, so I don't think that now, that I feel like this, I won't just not have them.

"You really should sleep, Sniper." I sighed after Eric said that. "We just want to help you feel better."

"I know you do, guys. But I just..." I looked up and I saw how tired both Jane and Eric looked. I did wake them up in the middle of the night too, and they're not leaving till they think I'm okay, so they won't be getting sleep. "You know what? I'll sleep." I realize that if I sleep, they sleep.

"Okay, that's perfect. Let's go get you back in bed." Jane gently pulled me by my arm to my room.

It felt kind of strange calling it my room. How much mine could it be if I have only inhabited it for three months?
It felt kind of strange not calling it my room. How less mine could it be if it had so many memories? From the sleepovers I had with the girls, or the study nights with Jane and June, to the intimacy he and I shared between the sheets.
And that's another thing, that bed, my bed, had memories of it's own. Maybe it's the peaceful nights he just held me, or the nights when lust clouded our minds and we had fun all night long.
Any other time before tonight, I guess, those memories would have been kind of... Sweet, but right now, they were just another reminder of how he played me.
Because it wasn't just his words in my mind, it was my body too.
I was a toy too.