Knowing Heartbreak

Chapter Thirty-One

Knowing Heartbreak

Chapter Thirty-One

It would be a lie to say that I didn't expect this. To say that I didn't expect the sadness and heartbreak to swallow me up once I was alone. I expected it because earlier today I'd realized that my happiness comes from others. Or at least, that's the way it's been since two days ago. Would make sense, I mean, I didn't have anything to be particularly happy about the last three days. So I figured that once I was no longer in the presence of my joking uncle, happy-go lucky aunt or giggling little cousin I'd be left to my sadness.

Because no distraction meant I'd be left to my thoughts and my thoughts always led to what could've been happy memories, but given the events of Friday night, they brought me anything but joy.

And nightmares are also a thing that plagues my mind. I mean, even if I could just close my eyes and go to sleep, I wouldn't because maybe I could have nightmares. And it's not the fact that they're scary, it's why they're scary. Closing my eyes only to remember his cold -but once enticing-, blue eyes staring cynically right back at me brought me chills. Made me want to run away. Not that there was more I could run away from at this point, because I'd already hopped on a plane, but just away from my memories, which is essentially impossible.

Then again, I'm kind of essentially impossible to figure out anyway.

I was still going to go to that party tomorrow night, I mean... Why not? I have no reason to stay at home. What could go wrong?

After I'd hung up all my clothing, I realized I had taken two dresses with me. One was the one I used for that rich girl's sweet sixteen, which was ages ago, so it was definitely a good idea to wash it considering I had just found it on the bedroom floor. And the other was just a little black dress. Attractive and simple. I figured I'd wear that, I just didn't have any heels to go with it, so I'd probably end up wearing a pair of Lilly's heels.

I realized I was actually kind of trying to look good for the party. It was force of habit, I concluded. Every time I arrived somewhere, and went to a party, I would always make sure I looked really attractive simply because that's a good place to target the player.

And while this wasn't the case this time around, I would still look nice. Simply because I could.

After putting the dress back in the closet and putting my phone to charge, I went to bed. And as I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep, I accepted that I would be trying to got to sleep for the next few hours.

This is just mind numbing.
                                                     • • •
"You're going to that party tonight, right?" Lilly asked me as I was feeding Sam during dinner.

"Yeah. So Lils, I was wondering if I could borrow a pair of your heels?" I asked, with a sheepish grin.

"Of course, Snip. Just make sure you come back home with them." She told me, smiling.

"Now Sniper, please stay clear of any person who owns a penis tonight. I already worry enough as it is." Bart told me looking completely serious but I just laughed.

"No penis. Got it." I smiled at him mockingly.

"What's penis?" Sam asked innocently, looking at the three of us with those doe eyes of her's.

"Um, it's uh- um..." Bart began, but couldn't form any words.

"It's a body part." Lilly calmly stated, but I could see the panic in her eyes.

"Oh, okay." Sam said, smiling before digging into her food.

"C'mon, Snip, let's go see which heels you'll be wearing tonight." Lilly told me, standing up from the dinning table, smiling at Bart as he squeezed her hand quickly and smiled back before she walked as I followed her.