Winter Day || kth ❄

Chapter 17: Fake Love

Sunday, July 16th. 11:46 PM. 30°C

Jimin's POV

"I'm going back home tomorrow," Mi said, "can we please talk Jimin?" 

"What is there to say?" I said, "how can you be with me for all of this time and have feelings for Tae?" 

My heart was broken into a million pieces. I knew that our relationship wasn't perfect and that we often fought. But I still chose to believe that we loved each other and we had something real. 

"I don't have feelings for Tae," Mi said, "I just find it hard to reject someone. I was confused and I couldn't do it at that moment." 

I wasn't convinced. 

"Jimin, please," she said as she put her arms around me, "I love you." 

"It's hard to believe, Mi," I said. 

She sighed, "where did we go wrong, Jimin? We used to have such a good relationship. Now all we do is fight." 

"Do you remember our first date? Not the one where we went to eat but the one at the movie park?" I asked. 

"How can I forget. You were so nice and we watched such a shitty movie," she laughed, "it was fun, though, until it wasn't." 

She was referring to my outburst, I knew. 

"Ever since that day, I thought maybe you had feelings for him. And it was hard for me to get pass that, I didn't want to feel like a second choice. Not then, not ever," I said recalling when I punched Tae. I still couldn't believe that I had done that to my best friend.

"But you weren't. You aren't," she pleaded. 

"Do you remember when we went to the mount on our next date and saw the sunrise?" I asked with a sad smile. 

"Of course I do. It was the sweetest date I have ever been on. It's still the best date I've ever been on," she said. 

"That day I wanted to forget that I ever thought that you liked Tae. I wanted you to have eyes for me and only me. And you did, that day I really felt like we had something special," I said, "but then when reality started to kick in afterwards, I realized that I have always come second to you. It's always where is Tae? How is he doing? Is he doing better? And I can't compete with my best friend for a girl. I won't do it, he means too much to me. And I don't want to feel like a second choice." 

"You don't come second to me, Jimin. He was having a rough time, I would've done the same if it was you," she answered. 

"I've done everything that I could to please you. But I think that I'm just not enough for you. I can't be the person you want me to be, Mi. I can't give you all of my time or take you out on dates. I can't be the boyfriend you want me to be. I don't want to do this anymore," I said. 

"I just wanted you to be more present, okay? There you go. When I was going through my dark period I felt so alone. You were gone and I wanted to talk to you, I wanted you to comfort me. But you were barely there and I understand, you were busy, but I needed you. Tae was more there for me than you were and it hurt. It still hurts to know that my boyfriend didn't have time to check up on me on those days where I felt really sad," she said. 

What she said hurt me like bullets. I had never thought that I was being a bad boyfriend. I knew she wasn't doing well, but I was so focused on my career that I had neglected to check up on her. 

"I'm really sorry Mi, I was so busy... I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most," I said. 

"It's a bit late for that, Jimin," she said, "what happened to us, Jimin? What changed from our first date to now?"

"I think that when we passed our honeymoon stage and I left it all became too much for both of us. Long distance relationships don't work, I have always known, but I still wanted to try. I think we got lost and forgot why we were together in the first place. We've rushed into a relationship and we weren't ready," I said. 

"I don't want us to be over, Jimin," she said as tears started to form in her eyes. 

"I think it's not the right time for us. I'll be gone for the whole year and you still have your studies. We're both busy people and a relationship was a bad idea since the beginning," I said, "I think we should breakup for now. It's what's best for both of us." 

She was clearly trying to hold back her tears, "I'm sorry I've been such a horrible girlfriend." 

I smiled at her sadly, "I'm sorry I've been such a shitty boyfriend. My feelings for you haven't changed, Mi. I'll always be there for you no matter what. But it's not fair for you if I can never be there to support you. You deserve better than me." 

"You deserve way better than me, Jimin, what are you saying. This isn't a goodbye. Please, tell me that it's just a timing thing and we can still be together in the future," she said. 

"If you still want me in a few months when I'll be back and if you show me that I'm truly the one that you want," I said, "a piece of me will forever be with you. If you ever want me back when all of this has quieted down, then I'll be all yours." 

She let a few tears escape her eyes and tried to wipe them as soon as they fell, "can I kiss you one last time?" 

I felt like I was drowning on the inside. The last thing I wanted to do was break up, but we were clearly not good for each other. I placed my hand on the back of her head, as I always did, and brought her closer for one last goodbye kiss.