What Goes Around... || H.S. Harry Styles

43.

Tash's eyes dart over the face of the curly haired man in front of her, every part of him is so warmly familiar, from the way his green eyes bag at the bottom when he is really tired to the way his bottom lip cracks a little in the middle from him licking it so incessantly.

It's a face she has spent hours upon hours memorising yet whenever she is away from him she can't quite place together all the bits in her mind that make him so captivating when he is with her.

It's more than a single part of him, more than his pink lips or cheeky dimple, more than his chestnut curls or the freckle by the corner of his mouth. For Tash, looking at Harry is like crawling into bed after a long day on her feet, like the first fragrance of summer in the air, like her mothers soup when she is sick. He is comfort and nostalgia and home all rolled into one human being that radiates so much sentiment and devotion towards her that she swears she can physically see it.

She leans forward and brushes her lips along his, wanting to feel the butterflies erupting up into her ribcage and fluttering around in the same way they do whenever his mouth threatens touch her skin.

Tash feels him exhale a puff of air before she pushes their lips together and Harry's hand cups the back of her neck to deepen the kiss, his tongue stroking hers as he pours his heart and soul into their embrace.

It lingers longer than it should as he commits the taste of her to memory, he wishes he could somehow bottle up this feeling and carry it around with him, he doesn't want it to end. He breaks away only briefly to kiss her again slowly, his lips soft and mouth closed. If it's the last time he gets to do this then he wants her to remember his love for her was pure and sweet and eternal.

When he pulls back again he rests his forehead on hers, taking in two settling breaths before he looks her in the eyes and speaks as sincerely as he can manage.

"Nat, I want you to be happy. I know that sounds like a throw away line but I do, above everything else, that's what I want. I don't want to hold you back or have you settle for this if you imagine your life to be something else or if you have doubts." She starts to shake her head but he continues a little louder and stronger than before, needing her to hear him.

"I want to be in your life, if you let me, I won't leave you again, but if you feel like you will live a better life with me as just your friend than that's what I'll be. I'll still be here for you, just in a different way." His thumbs brush her cheek bones as he cups her face, wanting her to see the truth in his eyes and the depth of his commitment to her happiness.

He chokes back the emotion settling in the back of his throat, he doesn't know how he is going to deal with being in her life in this way but after talking with Robin he knows he needs to at least try and convince her that this is an option.

The thought of her meeting someone else, falling in love, getting married, possibly starting a family makes him feel sick to his stomach, a gut wrenching devastation that courses through his body and makes his heart pound in his ears. The thought of her living her life without him as he watches from the sidelines, especially now that he has been part of her new everyday, is supremely unsetting, but he will do it. He would do anything for her.

His eyes are darting across her features, trying desperately to remember this moment, possibly the last time she will be this close to him. Time feels like it stops as he watches her lips move away from his and the image is so painful he almost whimpers.

She straightens her arms, her hands remaining on his shoulders as she considers what he has said, watching the anguish on his face peak out every so often as he tries with all his strength to keep it at bay in order for her to make a clear-headed decision.

"Harry, these last three days have been so horrible," she starts and he nods slowly in acknowledgment, he knows what's coming and he squeezes his eyes shut, not sure if he has the strength to watch the goodbyes tumble from her lips.

He feels her softly kiss his eyelids and forehead and he can't help but pull her into him for this last, drawn out moment.

"Please look at me, honey," the term of endearment has Harry's eyes springing open and his breathing increasing as he watches her bite her lip in contemplation before continuing.

"Nothing excuses what you did to me seven years ago, but I think I'm finally starting to at least understand what you were going through at the time and why it caused you to do things that were so inconceivably, out of character," she sighs in reflection and she can hear Harry swallow hard.

"I don't care what I'm supposed to do or what anyone else tells me is right or wrong, all I know is how I feel and... you make me happy, Harry... more than I have been in years and I know we have a lot to work on and maybe we are shooting in the dark but I think you're... I think we're worth the risk."

He lets out the breath he didn't realise he was holding in an audible huff of pure disbelief.

His hands touch her face again as if to check she isn't another figment of his imagination and he tries to pull her towards him but halts abruptly as she resists.

"One more chance though, Harry. Fool me twice, shame on me, and if you do anything like that again there won't be a conversation and there won't be forgiveness," she states harshly, needing to make a point that she's not just some little puppy that will always come running back.

"It will never happen again," he rushes as quickly as possible before sealing his lips briefly to hers. "Never, ever, ever, ever, ever," he repeats between the rapid fire kisses he is planting all over her face.

"Maybe...maybe we can see Dr Harris together, if you want? You can see how much I've dealt with my issues, give you some piece of mind or like... I dunno, someone else to talk to if you need?" He asks wearily, he doesn't want her to doubt him or worry history will repeat itself every single time they have an argument or need to deal with something difficult.

"I think that's a good idea," she nods. "I want this to work and maybe it'll take time to build everything back up to where it used to be but I want to try." As much as she wants to be with him she's realistic about where they stand and the battles they are going to need to fight together.

"I love you," he whispers into the space between them. "Fuck, I love you so much."

His face is pained and he is already panting from the pure exhaustion of the last few hours and intense last couple of minutes but as Nat's hands reach for the hem of his sweatshirt and lift it over his head, he is practically out of breath.

"Show me," she whisperers back.

A/N:

biiiiig moments.

everyone still team H&T? or is it H&N?

Have a great day

Love Ruby

x