What Goes Around... || H.S. Harry Styles

37.

SEVEN YEARS EARLIER

Since he caught his father cheating three weeks ago Harry has practically become a recluse.

He can't face his mother who he can not believe can continue her life as this bizarre lie, pretending to all those around her that she is in some perfectly happy marriage that is in reality, based on deception and adultery.

It has forced him to question everything in his world. Is his mother unfaithful as well?  Does Nat feel trapped? Will he be holding her back from her life if they stay together?  Does every other guy cheat on their loved ones like his father said, just a natural part of life that he is too immature to comprehend?

He watches in disgust and disillusion as his father makes small talk about his day each night at the dinner table, smiling at his wife as she fills his plate with food and kisses him briefly on the lips causing Harry to nearly throw up every time.

It didn't help that he was bed ridden for days after he found out the state of his family, the stomach virus he contracted forcing him to be stuck in the house he was aching to run far away from.

He hasn't told Nat what had happened that day, despite his better judgment.  He is embarrassed about his parents who he once thought so highly of, often boasting in a mocking way at how soppy and in love they are.

He knows she will tell him that his dad is wrong, that they can have everything just the way they planned but Harry's father and mother have filled his head with doubt and he is questioning even the most fundamental aspects of his life that he thought would never be debated.

Although he knows he shouldn't, he can feel himself not only pulling away but pushing everyone he loves further from him.  He spends almost no time at home, his parents assuming he is with Nat but in reality he is actually just walking the streets, trying to clear his frantic mind and stay away from the liars in his house as much as possible.

Nat is concerned about him, he can feel it dripping off her.  He can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice.

She asks him ridiculous questions about finishing school which he brushes off and he can tell she is trying to uncover the truth of his sudden change in behaviour but he doesn't let her in.  He can't. 

He gets hints from her that she thinks he is acting this way because of her and he wants to burst into tears in confusion each time he sees her beautiful face frown or feels himself pull away from her perfect lips but he doesn't know what else to do.

He is sinking deep into a hole he has never been in before and instead of speaking to the one person he has never had to question, who has always been there for him, who has never given him any reason to doubt her, he is retreating further and further away from her.

His parents had never given him a reason before this either and that turned out to be complete bullshit.

The end of his schooling is edging closer and giving him the slightest bit of faith that he can soon leave his parents and their web of deception behind him.

He tries desperately to get Nat to come to a party with him tonight, his mood shifted for the first time in weeks and he just wants to let go of the shit weighing him down and have a little fun.  He wants to drown himself in alcohol and forget what he saw, what he is living with, what may become his future.

She refuses to come, explaining to him in the sweetest way possible that she has to study and his heart cracks a little.  He feels like he is more alone than he would have ever thought possible. 

At the party he does exactly what he has been planning.  He drinks his weight in cheap liquor, clouding his overactive brain with nothing but fuzzy, warm feelings and banter of old mates.

The catastrophic decision he makes, drunk or not, to sleep with the woman hitting on him, he knows will haunt him for the rest of his life.

It's self sabotaging at its finest but in the moment he doesn't give a fuck.

Nat's face when she walks into the room, there to surprise him but confronted with the unimaginable, the way her blood curdling scream pierces the air, the thud of her knees hitting the harsh road makes him sick to his stomach but it's all part of the life altering decision he makes.

He stops several times to throw up in the gutter as he stumbles slowly home after Nat left him sobbing on his knees in the darkness of the street. It might be the alcohol or the smell of the stranger on his skin or the fact he knows he just lost the love of his life, but he can't be sure.

He is stone cold sober by the time he reaches his house, the house he wants to burn to the ground, the house that holds so many lies that it has now somehow infected him with the same repulsive behaviour that he can't bear to think about.

The noise of Harry crashing through the door wakes his parents up instantly and his mother comes rushing to his aid as he lets out a wail infused with so much pain that he can't even tell what is causing it anymore.

"I. fucked. up," he chokes on the spit dribbling from his mouth as he sobs into the carpet where he has collapsed.

"Sweetheart! What happened? Are you ok? Talk me to!" Anne yells, frantically trying to pull her baby boy into her arms but he is far too tall and heavy these days to achieve it.  She manages to pull his head into her lap as she cradles him on the floor, rocking his body back and forth in an attempt to comfort her distraught child.

"I-cheated," he manages to spit out through his cries as his heart splits even further apart and Anne takes in an almost silent gasp.

He can hear his dad walk into the hallway behind them and he feels so helpless that he doesn't think he will ever be ok again.

"Oh Harry, you didn't?" Is all his mum says and this causes all the anger he has pent up in the past month to boil over, his ears ringing and his chest rising as he sits up abruptly and looks her dead in the eyes.

"Like you guys are any better! You've known all this time Dad is fucking around on you, in this house even, I caught them!  And you don't give a fuck! WELL I DO!" He screams not caring about his foul language but stopping the moment he sees the complete confusion then stomach-churning devastation on his mother's face.

Unbeknownst to Harry, he has now managed to cause the heart break of the two women he loves most in the world.

The walls around him fade to black and he's not sure if he falls asleep or just subconsciously switches off in order to preserve his sanity as his mum breaks down and confronts his cheating father.

They both lay on the floor hopelessly, without comfort, after Anne kicks Des out, the sun starting to peak through the windows with the new day and Harry comes to the harsh realisation he has lost his girlfriend and his father in the same night.

A/N:

That was a couple of heavy chapters and maybe the most important one so far.

Love hearing your thoughts and debates.

Some of you are adamant Harry didn't deserve a second chance but does this information change your mind a little?

More soon!

THANKS FOR READING!

Love Ruby

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