Crankgameplays Imagines

Gone #1

- TRIGGER WARNING -

~ Ethan's POV ~

"GodDAMMIT! Why cant I do thi-ok well that's just real rude of you sir, can you just, umm, NOT!?!" I tell G as he continues to try and stop me from dying in Who's Your Daddy.

G sighs and shakes his head "Being a single dad, y'know, it's hard."
My eyes widen "But...Dad, does that mean the dildo upstairs is yours?"
G starts to panic "O-Oh, haha, that! That old thing!?! Haha, no, that's-uh-your mom's, from before she left."
I raise an eyebrow "Why did you keep Mom's dildo after all these years?"
G wipes imaginary sweat off his forehead "W-Well, uh, that's a funny story actually-"
My phone starts ringing, cutting him off. I raise an eyebrow and check who's calling me. My confusion translates into a frown.
"Hold on G, I've gotta take this, I already spoke to my mom today, she knows Im recording right now, something's happened." I hurriedly blurt out as I pick up my phone.
G nods "No worries dude, do what you gotta do, hope everything's alright!"
I smile gratefully and stand up from my chair, answering the call as I leave my recording room "Mom? Is everything ok?"
Her sniffles and broken cries reach my ear, and my mind spirals with worry.
"Mom? What's going on!?!" My voice is more urgent now, but still just as wary.
My mom clears her throat "D-Do you remember (Y/N)?"
I havent heard that name in so long. My first love. Her name still makes my heart skip a beat.
"How could I ever forget her?" I ask, my tone softer than before as my mind floats away on thoughts of her, then I shake my head and remember the reality of this phone call "Why'd you ask? Is she ok?"
My mom chokes on another sob and bursts into tears over the phone.
Eyes widening in alarm, I hurry to comfort her "Mom, calm down, please, it's alright, please just tell me what's going on!"
She does her best to gather herself up again "(Y/N), sh-she's...she's gone, Ethan."
I swallow the lump in my throat "Gone where?"
My mom sniffles "Ethan...Im sorry, she's gone."
The weight of the emphasis on her last word crushes me with a suffocating realisation. She's not just left Maine, she's gone, completely.
I blink back tears "H-How?" My voice comes out hoarse as the situation wraps a clawed hand around my throat, making it hard to breathe at all.
My mom takes a couple of shaky breaths, before she utters the words "Sh-She killed herself."
Im stunned into silence, I dont know how to respond. A searing pain pierces through my chest, forcing me to my knees. My head throbs, my heart pounds at what feels like an unnaturally slow rate, but my mind is blank, my mouth has forgotten how to form words, my throat is dry and restricted.
My mom sniffles "Sh-She, she left you some things, s-so as soon as you can, please come and pick them up...her funeral i-is next Wednesday."
Her words swirl around my head, not quite sinking in, but at the same time, cutting into me so deeply that I know I'll never forget the wounds these words have left me with.
"I'll be there soon." It takes me a moment to acknowledge that I spoke, and even longer to piece together how I said that on autopilot.
"I know, you wouldnt miss it for the world. I-Im sorry you had to hear like this Ethan...I wish you could've seen her, the woman she turned into. I dont doubt that you would've stayed in Maine if you had." My mom laughs through her tears "She was the much needed ray of sunshine in this town. I-I just cant believe she..." My mom cant even finish her sentence, and my heart aches for her, she loved (Y/N) so much, she always got along with her better than any of my other girlfriends afterwards.
"I'll...I'll be there." I repeat the same phrase I spoke before, my voice more broken and uneven than it was.
My mom clears her throat "See you soon Ethan...love you."
I continue to swallow the lump in my throat "Love you too."
My mom ends the phone call, and my phone falls from my hand, landing on the carpet next to my knee. I lift my gaze from the floor, my eyes glancing around my apartment. None of this looks or feels real. It cant be real. She cant be gone, there's no way, she wouldnt do that. My body stands, carrying me back into my recording room.
My mouth opens, and words fall from my lips "Sorry G, something's come up, family stuff, I have to go back to Maine for a while."
G's eyes widen "Woah, Ethan, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost!"
I blink back tears again "Fine, just...got a lot on my mind. I really have to go, sorry."
Before he can question me further, I end our skype call and leave the game, turning off my computer completely and leaving the room again. I pick my phone up from where I dropped it on the floor, and open twitter.

@ CrankGameplays: Im really sorry guys, but I have to take some time off. Had some sad news in the family and need some time to think it over and grieve. Thank you for understanding.

The words 'family' and 'grieve' sting when I type them out, despite how real they are. She was part of the family, she always was, since the first time she came over, back when we were just friends. She hit it off with my whole family, we all loved her. A pit forms in my stomach as I realise Im already talking about her in past tense.

When I come back to reality, Im sitting on my bed with a packed suitcase beside me, and it's getting dark outside. I cant drive in this state, Im not mentally stable enough to stay focussed on the road, and I definitely cant sleep right now either. I'll go for a walk now, and drive to Maine tomorrow. It feels like my own thoughts are running ahead of me and Im struggling to keep up, like I have two separate trains of thought; one logically planning what to do, the other with no idea what's going on because my whole world has been turned upside down. My body stands and begins carrying me again. I feel like a shrivelled being, trapped inside my own body, crying in the corner somewhere while my body continues to carry me around and act on autopilot. I dont feel like me anymore, and I guess that makes sense, because part of me is gone.

I find myself sitting on a bench in a park I've visited a few times before, but I didnt think I knew the way here. My gaze lifts to the cloudless sky overhead, the dark blue is plain, and empty. No stars are visible tonight. She loved the stars. A stabbing sensation jolts through my chest. She used to sit on her roof at night and stare up at the stars for hours, no matter the weather. The stars always made her smile, even on her worst days. I tear my gaze from the sky, unable to look at it any longer. But wherever I look, an image of her appears. Despite never being in this park with me and not seeing me in person for years, when I look at the flowerbeds, I see myself presenting her with a flower and her radiant smile appearing before she kisses my cheek; when I look at the trees, I see us reminiscing by playing a childish game of tag, laughing and grinning with each other; I can see us lying on the grass together, stargazing; I can even see us crossing the street hand-in-hand to get here. But none of those things happened. A chill runs down my spine, Im seeing what could have been, and what will never be.

My body carries me back to my apartment, and I dont realise until Im standing at my front door. As soon as Im inside, I stumble into my bedroom and collapse on my bed. I doubt I'll get any sleep at all tonight, but I should still try. She had really bad trouble sleeping a lot of the time, but whenever I was with her, she slept soundly and without issue. Now, the tables have turned, because even after sleeping in bed without her for years, my mind cant rest in a world without her. It cant. My eyes burn, but I dont cry. Im too in shock to cry, and I know this is all only going to get worse when I get to Maine.

I cant believe she's gone.