Every Reason I loved her

Chapter 22

      Lana has herself draped over the couch, any other day I might think she's just tired but I know it's because of Owen, her brother. I never even thought about her having a brother. I also know it's because she's still trying to find a way to tell me everything.

"Lana, you want me to make you some tea?" I ask. She nods and stare at the pillow as she twirls a tassel around her finger. I think she found that at one of those summer stands that pop up all along the streets.

"Here." I wrap her hands around her favorite cup, the one with an Eiffel tower and Paris written across it. "can we please talk about this now?" I plead with her, looking her in the eyes. She sighs and takes a sip of the steaming cup.

"Owen got into meth and he already had a drinking problem and my mom has been an alcoholic since as long as I can remember." She takes a breath, "I left my mom and brother three years ago to live my own life." She starts "for a few months I tried to help them, stay in contact but... but then they kept calling me to yell at me and they'd show up to my apartment at all hours screaming at me to come home and eventually kicked out of my apartment because they caused too much of a disruption." Lana fiddles with the tea bag. I wait for her to continue.

"I just... I couldn't be around it anymore." She shakes her head "they stole from each other and accused each other and it was just to a point where they were constantly under some kind of influence and I just... I just couldn't take it anymore." Lana is so gentle and loving I used to think the only way she could do that was

"You didn't do anything wrong, Lana." I tell her "you don't let people treat you the way I've seen them treat you, you deserve better than that."

"It took me a really long time to figure that out." Lana says, "but it didn't make leaving them or cutting them off any easier." She looks to me "I love them, I really do but... they didn't want help." She bounces the tea bag in the cup. She sighs "I just didn't want to think about them anymore, I wanted to make my own life with people who really care about me and... I didn't want them to ruin it to ruin..." she trails off and takes my hand.

"You thought he'd scare me away from you?' I ask her, she lifts her eyes to mine as she nibbles on her bottom lip.

"I didn't know we'd get so close and so I didn't want to say anything at first because of that but then I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want you to think there was something wrong with me because of them and I didn't want you to think badly of me and because I abandoned them."

"Lana, no." I put her tea aside and take her hands as I kneel on the floor in front of her. "Nothing and no one on this planet could make me think any differently of you."

"You say that now, Theo but you didn't know me then and I just wanted to be free of them and talking about them, thinking about them... it's like they still have a part of me and they just won't let it go."

"Your mom, your brother... they have nothing to do with the kind of person you were or are or anything." I tell her "I am in love with you, Lana, I want to wake up to you dancing to your different playlists and I want to go to bed with you in my arms and I want to spend my life with you, Lana."

She smiles and she interlaces our fingers together. "you want to spend your life with me?"

"Yes, of course I do, I've wanted to since our third date when you were laying on the blanket and talking about all the places you wanted to go and how amazing life is." I kiss her hands "you have this way of making everything feel like it's so special, like I'm so special."

She smiles wider "really?' it's like she can't believe it.

"You make me want to be better and you remind me every day that even when I don't believe in myself, you believe in me and when I wonder how someone so amazing and so kind can be so in love with me and you reassure me that you are, no matter how many times I need it."