Fly Like Airplanes

Zander POV:

This is exactly why I always live under the radar. This is why I always am alone. This is my I have no friends. This is why my family hates me. This is why I hate myself.

I can't even handle myself when my name is mentioned. I can't even hold off my panic attacks. I can't control my own life and I just feel so hopeless. I tried. I tried so hard to calm down and to not freak out but now people have more of a reason to call me freak even more. Heck, even I call myself a freak.

I couldn't tell if I wanted to be more angry at myself or at him. I was the one panicking and if I could have just learned to call down none of this would have ever happened. If could just learn how to handle social situations than all of this would have happened differently.

Then again, he was the one in the first place who brought attention onto me and he was the one who had to be all tough and start a fight. But he was also the one who was trying to stand up for me and got into a fight to protect me. He told his own friend to not call me a freak and he was trying to get to me to help me when I had my panic attack.

I started to have panic attacks when I was about nine or ten when my dad started to hit and abuse me more. Every time he came home I would freeze but and hide in the closet behind all of my clothes so if he was in a bad mood he won't find me to hit. After about twenty or thirty minutes of him being home and not trying to find me, I would slowly sneak out and then I would know it was safe to come out.

One day my dad figured out that I would hide from him a bad he would make it a game as if he didn't know where I was hiding and slowly terrorize me. Soon it just became too much and I started to break down. I tried to breath but it became too hard for me to take regular breaths so my breathing became irregular and I would start to shake violently.

I could feel my heart trying to break out of my chest, my head feeling every weak and lightheaded. I just sort of froze up, too scared to do anything and even if I wanted to move, I literally couldn't, my hands and feet had gone numb. Sweat was pouring down my face in waves and I was feeling as I wasn't myself. I was frozen and nothing could make me move.

This was how I was feeling right now. I had made it as far as I could in the forest and then I fell down and I haven't been able to get up. I only made it about a hundred yards in the forest overall but I made sure that I made it to a bush so no one would just walk in and see me in this horrible state.

I had my back up to the a tree with my knees folded in on my chest with my arms tightly around them. My head was buried as far into my chest as it could, soaking my t-shirt with tears. My whole body was covered by the thick bush that I landed in.

Suddenly I heard someone yelling and he sounded like he was scared, worried, and nervous. My heart started to beat faster as I tried to bury myself in the tree some more. I didn't want anyone else to make this worse.

The guy yelled again and this time I could understand what he was saying. He was yelling, "Zander! Zander! Zander!" at the top of his lungs. It had to be Wilder because he was the only one who really knew me or would even want to come after me.

I wasn't sure if I should try and get his attention or just try to sneak under the radar. Finally, I decided that I should just try to hide so he couldn't find me. I closed my eyes as tightly as I could and just hoped that he won't ever find me.