Fly Like Airplanes

Wilder POV:

Dear No One,

I just wish I had someone just to rant to but since I'm all alone and I have no friends, I am forced to write everything down on here and send them away.

One more mess up or mistake and I will be ruined. The teacher will tell my parents and then my life will literally end. No one will care tho. No one even knows that I'm alive. It's like I'm literally invisible with no chance of ever being seen. Except for my horrible family of course.

I wish Wilder and his stupid gang just left me alone. I'm already broken and if they keep doing this then I'll be worse than broken, gone (is that a good word?). Even though I want to hate Wilder so much I just couldn't. I knew he wasn't himself. He was acting all weird as if he wasn't himself. It would just be wishful thinking for someone, especially him, to see me.

I can't use words to describe what is really going on with me. I just feel like I'm in hell. My insides are a mess, my heart is broken way beyond repair. The only real way for me to show someone how depression is and how horrible it is is to legit tell them that they are drowning yet you can't save yourself and you have to live with the same horrible torture every day.

I show people, I would literally take a blank piece of paper and I will just draw horrible squiggle lines, then I would smuggle it in deep red, the color of blood and then smear it all around so you can't make anything out of it.

Sleep for most people is natural but to me, it's either my hero or my enemy, I can't tell what it will be before I go to bed. Sleep is my escape from the real world and I can dream about who I really want to be. Other times, it's nightmares or I simply can't sleep. So my only real escape and totally abandon me too and I never have the slightest clue when it will.

Well, my dad is calling me and I know if I don't answer then all hell would break loose. But one more thing before I go, if I wasn't scared that I would go to hell than I would have ended my life a long time ago.


Love, A Pathetic Loser

My hands clenched at his letter when I read how horrible we were to him. He is suffering through so much and I'm just making it so much worse.

This time his letter was so long that it was two pages long and he made two different airplanes. That confused me so bad because I was in the middle of a sentence and then it just ended with no period. It took me a while to actually realize that there was another paper (I know I'm rather stupid) and then it took me another couple of minutes to actually find it.

I don't even care about what will happen to me anymore. He literally just confessed that he wants to kill himself and I can't let that happen. Today, tomorrow, the day after that, and forward will be to help this kid. He can't make it by himself so I will be there. I will actually do something with my life for once.

----

I took a deep breath before I entered the school bus. Mike and John were already on as they always run to the front of the line, pushing and shoving kids out of the way to get to the front. They have this special seat in the very back which they like to have only to themselves and God bless the kid who accidentally sits in them.

I quickly did a quick sweep of the bus until I found my mark. The kid in the 5th row with earbuds in, his black hair almost covering them but I could still see the silver shining out from the morning sun. The sun reflected off of his blue eyes which just seemed to make them more bright and brilliant.

This made me even more anxious because, for me, I was breaking every rule in the Wilder family rulebook (there is one to be honest and it totally sucks). My dad thought that it would be a great idea and if he has an idea, no matter how crazy or weird they are, my mother would always take his side.

I stopped by his row and looked at him but he didn't seem to notice me yet. He had his knees all the way up, resting against the top of the chair with his head leaning on them. His attention was on the outside world.

I finally took a seat when the person behind me gave me a shove. The kid finally looked up and you could see the confusion in his eyes ad if no one has ever paid attention to him. Then he realized who I was and the fear started to settle in but before it could find it's home there, I raised my hand. The kid flinched as if I was going to hit him.

"Hey, Wilder! What'd ya doing bruh?" Josh asked. I cringed a little but pushed through and kept my attention on the kid.

"Hey. My name is Wilder. What is yours?" I asked, gulping slightly when I was done. This was probably the hardest and most embarrassing thing I have ever done in my whole life.