The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

Ch. 8 The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

I fixed his dinner and am now in my room. During dinner I was terrified. I didn't know what was going through his mind. Luckily he was "nice dad" during dinner. He even had the nerve to ask me what happened to my face. Of course I answered that I fell and he told me I should be careful. Then he left and I cleaned up and came where I am now. On my bed staring at my ceiling.

Why did my life turn out like this? Every time I think about it, it goes back to my mother. My stupid, selfish mother. Then she didn't even have the decencies to take me with her that selfish bitch. Leaving my poor father to raise me hoping that she would come back but instead he had me to vent his twisted feelings on. I know that my father still loves my mother. He's never dated any other woman after she left. It's kind of sad actually. He's still hoping that she'll walk through those doors and give him a hug with the cheesy line "I'm home." All of the mother daughter things I never got to do just because my mom's preference in men changed. When you marry someone it's for better or for worse. So why did she have to cheat on him? Not even just the cheating. The fact that she left us for his own brother!

As much as I try I can never hate her. She's still my mother. I'm still her daughter but if I ever see her again she better be prepared. I will kill her if I'm not already dead first. I get out of bed and walk towards my window. The view still haunts me. This is the exact street my mother left me on. When she got in that cab and left I mean. Not even saying goodbye to me. That image will never leave me. She looked at me. Into my eyes which are the windows to my soul and left. I slid down on my floor and started to cry.

Now I have to live this shitty life with no hope of anything better. Where's my prince? My fairytale ending? My savior? I'll even take my death. I look over at my dresser and walk towards it. I open the drawer and pull out my knife. I put it by my wrist. I let a tear fall. I slowly slice my wrist and see blood pouring out. All I can do is stare at it and the pain. The pain which could lead to my death if I cut deeper. The blood leaks onto my hardwood floor. I look over to my right and see my memo. "Life is too precious to end. Even if it's mine." I drop the knife and kneel on my floor with blood and tears dripping. I put my hand over the cut to try and stop the blood.

I can't do this anymore! Just end my life now! Please...I beg you...Whoever is listening...

I wake up lying on the floor in my blood. I take a deep breath and walk towards my bathroom. I look in the mirror and see myself. Then the voice in my head starts to speak. 'Look at yourself Lita. You're pathetic. You can't even kill yourself. Your mother shouldn't have even had you. A weak girl like yourself just a number in the human race.' You're right. I'm pathetic. 'I'm always right. Now since you didn't end your life back there you still have a chance.' I look to my right and it's my shaver. 'Yes. Reach out to it. Good. Now wouldn't it be better to just let go? Just to take yourself out of this miserable life before daddy dearest does?' She makes a point as I slowly pick up the razor. I stare at it not really understanding what I want to do. 'You want to ease your pain. To be free and go to a better place.' A better place.

I bring it to my neck and stare at myself in the mirror. Just one swift movement and my life can end. This crap that's called my life can be over. No one will miss me. No one cares about me. 'That's right. No one cares about poor Lalita. Everyone should but they don't.' I felt the blade scrape my neck. This is my end.

Nicole's POV

"Mom," I exclaim. I can't breathe! My room is spinning and I feel myself fall on the floor. I was trying to get out of bed but lost my footing. I collided with the bedpost and hit my chest knocking the wind out of me. All I have to do is get to my medicine. I look up and it's on the dresser. "Mom! Dad," I scream. I can't see. Everything's going black. I faintly hear my mom saying, "It's ok baby. We're calling the ambulance. Nicole! Angel stay with me! Please!"

I wake up to find myself in the ambulance with the air thingy over my nose. "Mom...what happened," I managed to say. "Everything's going to be ok baby. Daddy's driving in the car right behind us. You're going to be fine. We all love you so much. Grandma was just saying how proud she was of getting all A's in school," mom said. I nodded and drifted back into unconsciousness.