If Jealousy Could Kill

Final Author's Note

I’m choosing to post this author’s note separate from the epilogue of this story for two purposes. For one, I wanted the epilogue to be “clean” without an author’s note and for two, this “author’s note” will be a bit lengthy. It’s not necessary to read so just read it if you want to know a few “behind the scene” sort of things with If Jealousy Could Kill. It would also be good to read if you were wondering about the abrupt ending for this story. I normally don’t end my stories like this and I honestly don’t like ending my stories abruptly; they are usually carried out in full no matter how long it takes because I want to give my writing its best. So I feel an explanation for why I strayed from that and decided to end this story abruptly.

 

First off, thank you to everyone who supported this story, no matter where you picked the story up at. It always means a lot to me when people read my work, silent reader or not. I like comments, of course, but I’m not an author who takes her readers for advantage. So thank you to all of my readers and everyone who supported this story. It got more attention than I ever dreamed it would have and I’m glad that it was able to attract peoples’ attention, even if some didn’t end up sticking with it.

 

This story, despite all the trouble I had with it and how I felt during it, is important to me. I began writing and posting this story in September of 2013. At the time, this story and Sukeban were the first multi-chaptered stories that I had written in over nearly four years. Around two years before I began writing these stories, I was slowly losing my writing. I had been very ill for a long time and it was getting worse to the point where I was losing my will to write. During this period, I hated everything I wrote. I am a perfectionist unfortunately and that can be a difficult thing when it comes to writing. None of it was good enough in my opinion. I began to hate my writing to the point where I gave up on it and stopped writing completely.

 

I wrote a one-shot here and there but I didn’t have a want or will to write… Until I picked up writing SCANDAL bandfics. Writing for SCANDAL was probably one of the single best decisions I had made for my writing in years. In the last year, I’ve written more than I have in years. And a lot of that is thanks to SCANDAL and the inspiration they’ve given me for my writing.

 

From the start, If Jealousy Could Kill was not easy to write because of how rusty I was with chaptered stories and the romance genre. I started it without a plan as I have done with many things in the past. I am a bit of a “different” writer as I do not write with a plan. I never have and I never will, no matter the style of writing. It makes me feel constricted and I hate feeling constricted when I write. I need to feel free in order to write something even slightly worthwhile. I had a basic idea for this story and that was it. I imagined it ending around 20 chapters but you can see that it got extended far beyond that.

 

It’s time to be honest that halfway through this story, I began to hate it and wanted to stop writing it. I cannot say those feelings have completely faded but I’ve come to like it again more than I did in the past. I didn’t start off hating this story. In fact, I liked the idea behind it but as it progressed, I started to hate the direction I took it in. I regretted small things like caving to peer pressure and pairing Haruna up with a man, even if only briefly, to big things like making Rina be his killer.

 

There is a lot about this story that I wish I could change. I am not one to give up on my writing though so I pushed through for the story’s sake. The story deserved to be finished and I was determined to finish it as well as I could possibly manage, and I hope this story was a good one to read.

 

It’s for that reason I ended this story the way it did. I did it for my sake and for the story’s sake. If I had expanded on this story any longer and gone into Rina’s recovery, I would no doubt have grown to hate the story and would want to delete it. I don’t want to hate this story as I don’t want to hate any of my writing ever again. My writing is precious to me. I know the ending was abrupt but after reading this author’s note, I hope you can understand why it was ended this way.

 

This isn’t the only choice for why it was ended so abruptly and open ended. With the direction this story had been taken it, a closed ending would not have worked. There is no closed ending I could think of that would not have sounded bad with the story. An open ending and letting the readers think up how Rina’s recovery went and how their relationships went was the best possible option for the story. And generally, when it comes to stories such as these, I do prefer reading them with an open ending so naturally, I also prefer writing them with one.

 

This story is over. There will not be a sequel. It’s best not to waste your time asking for a sequel to it since my mind will not change on it. There are some stories that need a sequel to continue it and do it justice. However, there are stories where a sequel would only ruin it. A sequel to If Jealousy Could Kill would only ruin the story.

 

This story has been fun to write despite the ups and downs I experienced with it. It may not have gone the way I imagined it going and I may have my regrets, but I am happy with how it turned out and how it ended. I’m happy this story has been the first multi-chaptered story I have successfully finished in so long.

 

Thank you for all the support. I sincerely hope you enjoyed the story in its entirety. And I hope you will continue to read my writing as there will be much more to come~