What Goes Around... || H.S. Harry Styles

8.

Harry knew this was coming, he knew that if he ever was lucky enough to see her again this would be the first thing she asked and he was just fortunate enough that she had given him a couple of days of ignorant bliss before the reality of their situation came creeping up to suffocate them.

The worst part was he didn't have a good enough answer to the one fucking question he had been asking himself every moment of every day for the past seven years.

Tash takes another step away from him as his silence becomes overwhelming, the only thing cracking through the air is the tiny sob that breaks from the back of Harry's throat.

"I have to go," Tash whispers, seemingly to convince herself more than anything and the realisation that his one chance is slipping swiftly from his reach has Harry's mind spiralling out of control.

"I have no reason, I have no fucking reason!" He yells, causing Tash to jolt upright in surprise.

"I was young and a fucking idiot and I made the worst mistake I've ever made in my whole fucking life because I was scared." He shouts in frustration at himself and if he wasn't so terrified she was going to walk out the door at any second he would be pacing around the room.

"Was it me? Was it something I did?"  she's yelling through her tears now, seven years of pent up emotion tumbling from their mouths, "I didn't want to ever pressure you into being with me Harry, if you didn't want to you could have had the decency to break up with me," the memories far too much to handle and she feels like she could just sit down on this floor and cry for days.

Things ended so quickly back then, graduation and exams flew by in a blur and the moment Tash had the money in her hand she boarded a flight and didn't look back.  Harry had tried to apologise between the party and graduation, he cried and banged on her door until her parents called his mum and she never heard from him again.  There was no closure, no answers, no goodbyes.

Harry's brow creases in confusion and he takes a step towards her, "What? No! Nat, no you did nothing wrong."  He wants to touch her, to hold her to him and never let go but he can't so instead he runs a hand through his hair again before licking his lips to continue.

"I made a mistake! A really big, life altering mistake, it wasn't anything you did or said or could have changed," she's shaking her head in disbelief at his words, she wants to believe him, but the vision of that night keeps playing on repeat. 

"I loved you Harry, I loved you so much and you betrayed that in the worst way possible. I was so humiliated," she sobs, her hands flying up to cover her face and she slips down to the floor as the memories become too vivid to, both literally and metaphorically, stand. 

His breathing is picking up pace as he remembers her devastating scream when her eyes met his as he fucked someone else who meant less than nothing to him.

He had only ever been with Nat until that moment, sex was something sacred between them, having experienced everything for the first time together... until that moment.

He doesn't know how to fix this or if it is even possible but he has spent an agonising amount of time regretting that moment and he needs to try.  He sits down on the floor opposite the only girl he has ever loved and whose heart he single handedly shattered and continues to talk.

"I was a kid who did something terrible to the person I loved the most but I'm not that person, that is not me, I just made a horrible, horrible decision that I have regretted every moment of every day.  It's not who I am or how I felt about you!" He takes in a deep breath and corrects himself, cautiously. "Feel about you."

"I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, hell, I don't even deserve to be having this conversation with you!  But I'm begging you to give me another chance." Harry whispers the last bit, too scared to speak any louder. 

Tash presses her palms into her eyes harder and tries to block out the reality of the situation. She dreamt about this moment for years, countless days and hours and minutes had gone by where she lived in hope he would find her and beg for her forgiveness.  When it didn't come she picked herself up and rebuilt and forgave and moved on. But your first love, first heartbreak and first betrayal is something you can never forget.

He's battling internally with what he should do if, and probably when, she rejects his pleas.  He wants to fight for her, show her how much she means to him and that he would do anything for her, but there's a part of him that just wants her to be happy, to find someone who would never do this to her, even as a reckless mistake. 

He shuffles to sit next to her and leans his head back against the kitchen cupboards, their staggered and worn breathing the only noise in the quiet house. She wipes her eyes and he closes his, not sure if he can deal with watching her walk out his door.

"You broke my heart, Harry, you had the whole thing in your hand and you threw it away," her tired voice is barely audible as she confesses what he already knows and he hangs his head in the shame of the truth.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry." His bottom lip quivers as he finally says the words she needs to hear.

He hears her take in a deep breath and he peels his eyes open to see her sweet face all red and splotchy from crying and his stomach flips at the still bewildering comprehension that she is sitting next to him, no matter the circumstances.

"I'll never hurt you again, I promise you... I swear... on the stars and the moon," he breathes and she closes her eyes as his sentimental words hit her like a freight train.

"I don't know if I can do this, Harry," she chokes and stands abruptly and before he has a chance to catch his stolen breath she is running out the door.

A/N:

*Sobs*

What do we all think? 

Poor tash has a tough decision to make..

I know it's hard not to love Harry but would you give him another chance ?

VOTE VOTE VOTE my loves!

Love Ruby

x