Otayuri (fluff) The boy with the golden hair.

Chapter 43

Yuri's POV

Another picture of me and her ugh catch up already internet. I broke up with my girlfriend over two weeks ago, I never should have dated her... 

Maybe I liked her at the start but I never loved her. I don't even know what love is. I see it in the eyes of Yakov & Lilia and Victor & Yuuri the latter of whom I am now living with. 

I still think about him sometimes... 

I'll hear the hum of a motorcycle and turn to see if it's him, even after all this time. 

I keep meaning to go to Victor's rink but I can't face him so I look at the work schedule that Victor has on the fridge since he's so damn forgetful he keeps missing shifts at the rink that he owns... idiot. I make sure to only visit the rink when he isn't working. 

I wish I had met him now instead of when I was so young and stupid but he will always be my first so I will always have to remember him. 

My grandpa passed suddenly earlier this year and I was and still am devastated beyond repair, he was my only family and now he's gone. 

I have never felt so alone. 

I guess I am lucky that Victor and Yuuri have taken me in but it was a pretty miserable household in February, within the space of a week both my grandpa and Victor's dog passed away. 

At first, I was mad that he was more devastated than me since my grandpa is a human family member and his dog is well a dog... 

But I understand now... 

His dog kept his depression at bay before Victor had met Yuuri, back when he was a desperately lonely man going through his toughest times with his dog. 

We recently got a poodle and a kitten that had been raised together so they get along... most of the time. 

Grandpa always approved of Beka and once told me he was marriage material...why the fuck didn't I listen to him!? He will never be able to walk me down the aisle and my heart aches for him. 

Even skating doesn't fill the void in my life, luckily Victor has been there for me and knows exactly what to do to keep the bad thoughts away. 

What a mess. 

My skating has suffered terribly although I did win at the Grand Prix Final I passed out after the event and haven't yet got my skating back to the level that is expected of me. I've been failing easy jumps and Yakov is worried sick about me and has had just about enough of this. He knows I am looking for something but doesn't realize I had it all and threw it away because of my own selfish stupidity, I deserve to suffer.

I get off my bed and look through my closet to grab my box of special things, inside is my grandpas pirozhkis recipe, a picture of my mum and dad holding me as a baby, a scrapbook that Phichit gave me after Victor and Yuuri's wedding, my medals and my leather jacket that Beka gave me for my 16th birthday. 

I hug the jacket and open the scrapbook. Phichit had taken many photos of me that I hadn't even noticed. 

There is a photo of me and Beka sitting at the dinner table on the night that Victor and Yuuri had gotten engaged, the first time I saw this picture I hadn't noticed that Beka's eyes are looking directly at me. 

There are pictures of my 16th birthday, I don't remember my hair being so short.

There are some ugly pictures in here thanks a lot Phichit... 

He even has one of me and Yuuri hugging in front of the Pirozhkis, I have to turn the page before I start crying. 

I have looked through this book a few times but when I lift it out of the box a photo I haven't seen before slides out from the back cover. I pick it up to look closer. 

It's a picture of Beka at Victor's wedding but he's not looking at the grooms, he is looking at me. He has the most loving look in his eyes. 

Wait... 

There is a hand on his knee, I look closer and see the hand belongs to... 

Grandpa? Oh! There he is, He's whispering something approvingly in Beka's ear... 

Is that why Beka was looking at me like that?

Grandpa wanted us to be together... 

He never looked at Aleksandra like that. 

I have to put the book down as I feel tears coming down my face... fuck! I've gone weeks without crying. 

Get it together Yuri! 

I lay on the bed and wrap myself in blankets.