When my dad chose his other family than spending time with me, it somewhat affects my belief about men. Not that I became a man-hater but I had doubt that men can stick around. I can still remember how I ended up having a crush on Radicus that I started stalking hin everywhere. How ironic.
Minsan ka na nga lang magstalk at magkacrush sa isang lalaki, I never thought it would leave a huge impact on how I'll withstand my living years. Even my relationship with my dad and the rest of the people surrounding me.
I love him. I love Radicus. I just don't like the idea of hurting someone else just because I want him myself. The problem is with me, I know. Radicus never failed to make me realize that he'll always be there for me. Ang problema, ako. Either I'm too nice or too selfless. Damn!
Radicus squinted his eyes na para bang nagagawa nitong marinig ang kung anuman iniisip ko. Why is he always good at this?
He sighed.
"That's exactly why I did not tell you about Mela." He started talking. Napaiwas ako ng tingin. His stares are reaching my deeper feelings. Na para bang kaya nitong mapasunod ako sa kahit anong gusto nito.
"Still. I have the right to know. Look, Radicus, All these times iniisip nila Tita na selfish ako, na mang-aagaw ako just because I failed to know everything. I did not know what my mom did to get my dad before, I did not know your relationship with Mela before. And now, you guys did not want to tell me na...malala na ang kapatid ko."
"For once Maya! Please..just please...Stop thinking about what others will tell about you. Just this time. Don't you think I'm not hurting from this? "
My lips parted. Kunot na ang noo nitong nakatingin sa akin. He stared away to composed himself. I wanted to reach for his forehead to take away those folds.
"When I left months ago Maya, it's not that I left for the reason that I wanted it. Mabigat sa loob ko iyon. I just did what you wanted me to do because I thought you needed some rest. Have you ever thought what I felt during that time? I pleaded you. I wanted to be with you during those times but I know how you needed some space although I really wanted to get mad at you for just giving me up like that." He said.
I turned speechless all of a sudden. Magmula nang magkita kami ulit hindi namin napagusapan ang anumang nangyari 3 months ago. That's because I thought it's something meant to be forgotten. I didn't know that I hurted him. He's right, I never asked about his opinions. I just let him go.
"I know what happened and what's happening to Mela. I also feel devastated and guilty of what's happening with her. " He said. He bite his lips then he looked back at me with his teary eyes.
"I wanted to prove to you that I can make my own decisions Maya. Na kung gugustuhin ko, kaya kong pumili kung sino ang gusto kong samahan. That I don't care what others will tell about me if I'd rather stick around with you. They can call me heartless for staying with you instead of Mela. I can deal with all their criticisms, whatever Tita Olivia says, just..just to stay with one person who matters the most for me. And that will always be you, Maya."
"Pero..."
"No buts Maya." He sighed. Kumunot ang noo nito.
"She's my sister Rad. Alam kong nasasaktan siya. She's sick and could have been broken. Who knows?"
"Mela convinced me to go back here in the Philippines." He started. Hawak niyo ang kamay ko. He's gently playing with my fingers.
"I was preparing myself to tell her about us. It turned out na hindi ko na pala kailangan sabihin pa. I don't know how pero alam niya. She knows about us. She was the one who convinced me to go back here. I thought she just missed her family kaya niya gustong umuwi but then she started telling me that I have to fix whatever I left back here."
