Once, I only wanted my dad. Hindi na ako naghangad ng kahit ano. Every birthdays that I celebrate, I only, silently wish for one. My dad.
But I guess not all wishes are meant to come true. The weeks that he was not home, turned into months hanggang sa nakasanayan ko na. But there was never a part of me that I loathed him for that. For, sardonically speaking, well, he left us. He left me. Chose another family. Chose another daughter.
It was never me. I was not even a choice. Masakit, dahil nabulag ako sa katotohanang ako ang inagawan but it was the other way around.
I gently opened my eyes. Dinig ko ang pagbagsak ng ulan sa labas. I slowly turned my gaze to Radicus who's sitting next to me. Nakatulog na pala ito. I can't help but smile.
He looks cute while sleeping. Dahan-dahan akong lumapit dito para matitigan ng malapitan ang matangos nitong ilong. I touched it with my finger. I want to kiss him but I don't think I deserve it.
Why?
Why do I always have to feel this way?
Why am I restricting myself from being happy?
Tears stroll down my face. It's because of my dad. Nagawa niyang piliin si Mela noon. Radicus might as well.
I breathed in and out. Dahan-dahan akong bumaba sa kama. Saglit pang tinitigan si Rad habang mahimbing na natutulog.
"Sana..." I sighed instead of continuing what I'm about to say.
Three months ago, I started not believing..,believing on wishes, on fairy tales with a happily ever after, and endless love.
Bumaba ako ng hagdan habang pinagmamasdan ang magagandang paintings na nakasabit sa pader. I remember the last time I saw a good painting, in Rad's room. Now I know it was from Mela. I wonder if there are from her?
"Aba'y kaaga mo naman atang gumising iha?"
I almost jumped off the stairs when I heard someone.
"Magandang umaga po." I greeted nanay Cora.
"Magandang umaga din. Hindi pa ako nakakapagsimulang magluto ng agahan gawa ng hindi ko alam na ganito ka kaaga gumigising. Alaskwatro pa lang. Nahihirapan kapag makatulog? Ang sabi kasi ni Seph ay may buwanang dalaw ka daw."
"Ayos lang po. Kailangan ko na rin po kasing umuwi. May trabaho pa po kasi ako." Sagot ko.
"Naku, mag-agahan ka muna anak. Halika't ipagluluto kita. Hindi kita hahayaang umalis ng di pa kumakain. Bakit hindi mo nalang antayin si Seph at magpahatid ka."
"Ayoko pong maabala ang pagtulog niya."
Ngumiti si nanay Cora sa akin. Instead of refusing her offer to eat, I have chosen to grab it. I'm actually starving. I haven't eaten well last night.
"Gaano na kayo katagal?" Nanay Cora asked. Naglapag ito ng isang baso ng gatas para sa akin.
Saglit kong pinag-isipan kung sasabihin ko ba ang totoo na walang namamagitan sa amin, rather, tapos na ang kung anumang meron kami. I just don't like them disappointed dahil taliwas ang pinaniniwalaan nila.
"Hindi rin po nagtagal." I answered. I realize, there's really no need to feed them lies. Baka ito na rin ang una at huling makita ko pa sila.
Nakatingin lamang sa akin si nanay Cora na tila binabasa ang nasa isip ko. I bowed my head to drink the milk she gave me.
"Mukhang mahal na mahal ka niya."
Napaubo ako ng marinig ko ang sinabi nito. I almost spill the milk!
