Another week passed. Maaga akong pumasok sa school para magreview. I don't want to mess another breakfast with dad's family. Dumaan lang ako sa 7/11 para mag-agahan. Hinintay ko lang namang magbukas ang library. Napangiti ako sa librarian nang mabuksan nito ang pinto.
"You're early Ms. Rivera?" The library asked.
"Madami po kasing aaralin."
"I see. No doubt you'll make it to latin honors. I'm sure your dad will be proud of you." She said.
Sana. I hope there's still space inside dad's heart to lift a good impression for me. Even just to be proud of my studies. I smiled bitterly. Not unless Mela's still better than me.
I sighed.
As I settled sitting in a comfortable space in the library, I fished out my phone. I saw a message from ninong. Atty. Ygo Samera. He's a known lawyer. He's a friend of my mom.
Are you really sure about this Armaya? We can always have this extra-judicially, have you consulted your mother about this?
I didn't reply. I felt a lump in my throat. He's a very reliable person to begin with. He knows my issues with my family and he didn't interfere. He respected my opinion kahit pa noon palang gusto na nitong kausapin si dad. He was mom's lawyer during the separation and the lawyer who handled my custodial case.
I approached him again for another reason. At ngayong ltinatanong na muli ako nito, nakaramdam ako ng bigat sa loob, sadness, too sad that I cannot even understand myself. I've always been thinking na tama itong gagawin ko. This is for the best. Pero nalulungkot ako. Now I know not all the best option can always make you happy. How ironic.
Us, people, if given options, we used to eliminate the least that could help us. We always look forward to the best one. Upon realizing, iyon palang natitira ay maaaring tama but it cannot give you that satisfaction. Kaya siguro may iilan na maling landas ang tinahak pero mas masaya sila. So which side should I be?
Inabala ko ang sarili ko sa pag-aaral. By 9:30 ay pumasok na ako sa unang klase ko. I sat infront and roamed around. Bigla kong namiss si Prim. I haven't seen her around.
Shit!
I fished out my phone and scanned the calendar. God! How come na nakalimutan ko? Today is her twin's 3rd death anniversary. Madalas hindi pumapasok si Prim ng ganitong araw. She'll lock herself inside her room. Beaten by the guilt the death of her sister brought to her. I wonder, how is her mother treating her now. Magmula kasi nang mawala ang kambal nito, naging cold na si Tita Victoria sa kanya.
Matapos ang klase ay agad kong tinawagan si Prim. I stomp my feet. Come on answer Primadona!
"Thank goodness you answer your damn phone Prim!" I exclaimed.
"Hello too Armaya! Bakit ka napatawag?"
"Where are you?" I tried listening to her background. Silent. She's not in a bar. So she excluded herself to the outside world again.
"Nandito sa condo. I'm fixing a rope--"
"What rope?! Para saan? God! Prim, what are you gonna do?" I asked. Bakas na ang pag-aalala sa boses ko.
"May itatali. I'm compiling my old books. I'm going to donate some. What do you think of me, suicidal?" I heard her amusement. I sighed in relief.
"Akala ko kasi..nothing. I called because I thought you need someone to talk with, you know..today is.."
"Alam ko. Very much aware and marked on my calendar. Don't worry that much. I'm perfectly fine. It's been three years already, I should move on and accept it. Tatlong taon na kaya nakalipas noh! Ikaw tatlong buwan, nakamove on ka na ba?" I heard her chuckles.
