❝somtimes i think you are a human
hiding in a dog's body.❞
❇
with his best friends dead, sirius black feels that he truly has nowhere to go. lonely and abandoned, he becomes a dog, and roams the streets aimlessly, drowning himself in...
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Chapter Forty Nine: Tea Thoughts
29 December, 1982
The warm tea trickled down her throat and caused a contended sigh to slip past her lips.
Marlene had never liked tea, but during times when it was nearly impossible to get access to a single square meal a day, the drink was enough to satisfy her, though not enough to quench her needs. Nevertheless, she drank it gratefully, taking tiny sips so as not to finish it too fast.
Sirius was the one who had brought the tea, though he had refrained from mentioning from exactly where. It was so unlike him, to keep things from others – he was usually the one to do the talking. Marlene had been suspicious at first, but then had given in when Nathan managed to convince her that Sirius wouldn't do anything that would put them in harm's way. If he had stolen it from a muggle shop, he must have been careful not to leave any trail behind.
Marlene wasn't so sure.
Her mind was concentrated with thoughts that refused to leave her alone, and somehow, the warmth of the tea drew them in deeper, allowing them to mix with the steam that rose from the cup and circulate her like a protective aura. She thought of Sirius, of her brother – no, her brothers. For the first time in a long time, she allowed herself to think about Nigel, and about the time they had spent together, about his death. For the first time, she felt not the hollow pain that usually associated these thoughts, but rather the relief. The relief that Nigel didn't have to go through what they were, that he didn't have to experience the pain and the sufferings. She felt an odd sense of pleasure as her mind pictured her late brother sitting with their parents, sipping tea and sending waves of encouragement to his siblings who were stuck in the hellhole and fighting for their lives, for freedom.
It was a comforting thought.
A fresh wave of glittery powders of snow rushed inside their dwelling, and sent a chill down her spine. Tipping her head up, Marlene noticed Nathan up at the platform that was about ten feet above the ground, and he was looking out through the window, his body a blur amidst the wind that circulated him. She shifted slightly and called out to him.
"Trying to spy on Sirius?" she asked playfully, and her brother merely shook his head in response.
"I don't think he's foolish enough to be anywhere near our vicinity."
Marlene didn't say anything. Sirius has been disappearing quite frequently lately, and no matter what they asked, he wouldn't tell them where. She had wanted to track him down discreetly – really, it wouldn't be very difficult – but Nathan had talked her out of it. Apparently, he trusted Sirius wholeheartedly, and he was absolutely certain that he wouldn't do anything that might endanger their lives.
Marlene believed in Sirius too. But she knew him better and longer than Nathan did, and she knew the darkness that lived inside Sirius. He was full of recklessness – something he quite prided in – and it didn't form a good companion to his irrational behaviour, his thirst for revenge, his ego and, most importantly, the Black genes that were regretfully, but undeniably, nestled in his DNA. Sirius would never want any danger to fall upon them – that she wouldn't deny. But she feared whether he would be able to control his behaviour if the time should come.
She only hoped it wouldn't.
Marlene jumped several inches into the air as Nathan clicked his fingers near her ear. Blinking the cloudiness away from her eyes, she looked at him and managed a smile. She scooted away to allow him room, and brought her cup to her mouth to take another sip of her tea, only to realise that she had already finished it. Frowning slightly, she set it aside and looked at her brother.
"What were you dreaming about?" he asked, sort of playfully, but signs of exhaustion and stress were written clearly over his face and posture, in the form of wrinkles lining his eyes and the defeated slouch in his shoulders. The smile on his face looked miserably faked. Marlene realised with a jolt that he looked ten years older than he was.
She shook her head, but stopped halfway. Drawing in a sharp breath through her mouth, she answered his question. "I was ... thinking of Nigel, actually." She kept her eyes fixed on her fingers which lay curled up on her lap, refusing to meet her brother's eyes. Nathan had been much closer to Nigel than she had ever been to either of them, and even though they had refrained from discussing about his death or their parents', she knew that the topic wouldn't go easy on him. Nigel's death had hit him hard, and she remembered how he had locked himself up in his room and had refused to eat for four days, having given up on the war, and on life entirely. But when he had finally emerged, stick thin and starving, he had plunged right into the Order and given everything in his power to fight, his eyes bloodshot but determined. He never cried, or faltered, or weakened, but remained tough and gave everything he had into protecting his sister, and fighting for what he believed in. Marlene supposed keeping busy was his way of coping with their family's death.
All of a sudden, his arm came up to wrap around her shoulders, and she was pulled into a side hug, her head resting against his chest. She was stunned momentarily, but seconds later, she relaxed and draped her arms around him. She felt Nathan place his chin over the top of her head, and both remained still in the silence that followed, broken only by their laboured breathing.
"Nathan," she susurrated softly. "If you want to cry, don't stop yourself. You've been strong enough, and there is nothing you need to prove to any of us. Please. Don't bottle anything inside yourself. I don't want you getting hurt."
