Here and Gone

21

I giggled at how much I had just startled him. "Sorry, i didn't mean to scare you."

He lets out a breath while one corner of his mouth bent upwards. "It's okay."

"Trouble sleeping?" I looked out to the lake watching the stars sparkle onto it.

"I guess. I don't really ever get sleep though." He shrugged not seeming to effected by it.

His fingers traced lightly back and forth over the cover of his book.

"You're writing in it, huh?" I grabbed the straps of the hammock for support.

He looked down at it and swallowed, "Yeah, it's helped a lot." His eyes travel back up to me.

I couldn't help but smile. Giving him that journal makes me feel a lot better about everything knowing that he's been trapping his feelings inside of it.

"I'm glad you're doing okay, Grayson." I admit to him.

He was about to say something but looked back down to his hands. "Here, come sit." He scoots over making room for me to sit by him.

I jumped into the hammock letting my feet dangle just like his.

He kept looking down to his hands then finally decided to talk, "I'm can't tell if I'm doing okay, Addison." He sounded like he was struggling; breaking my heart.

My heart started to beat faster scared for him.
"You can talk to me, Gray. Always." I put my hand onto his back and rubbed it lightly up and down.

He took in a breath of air and I could tell that he was struggling.

"Do you ever just want to tell people things but you realize it could ruin them? Or even ruin their happiness?" He asked fully turning his head to me.

I know exactly how you feel because you're doing it to me.

I nod my head as I watched to see if his facial expressions changed at all.

"I've just been struggling with that recently." He took his eyes off of me, looking back down to his hands.

"I have been too. It's rough not knowing what people are thinking because you're scared to mess up." I laughed to myself almost making fun of myself.

He nodded in agreement.

His fingers fiddled with the cover of the journal as if he wanted to keep writing but I was there so he didn't want me to see it.

"I'll let you get back to that." I roughly smiled then moving myself off of the hammock.

"Addison." Grayson gripped my wrist making my heart jump.

I turn back around to face him but his face immediately dropped.

"Just uh, goodnight." He sent me a soft smile, breaking eye contact with me then letting go of my wrist.

God damnit why can he not just tell me. I don't know what he's waiting for? He said he's been struggling with not telling people stuff?

I nod getting a little upset, "night."

____

I wake up to the sound of Ethan's laughter. My eyes slowly open as I see the brightness from outside of my tent.

I rolled out of the blankets and put on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I threw my hair into a messy bun and walked out of my tent.