Here and Gone

11

[ ADDISON'S POV ]

I sprayed my last bit of perfume and checked myself in the mirror. I still had 15 minutes before Friendsgiving started.

I looked over towards my night stand and saw a journal. "Writing down your feelings always helps right?" I let out a sigh and clicked my pen then opening the book.

Friendsgiving day, November 23rd.

I don't even know what I feel anymore.
I hate the position I'm in and I hate the position I'm putting the twins into. I love them both, always have and always will.

They are like family to me... well, I guess you don't go around kissing your family and dating them.

Grayson, even with the car reck and forgetting all about me, he is still the exact same person. I still love him but who knows how long I can take it before time slowly dies down.

A week after the crash I would have been willing to drop everything and sacrifice anything just to be with him... but I three weeks later I don't know about that.

That's where Ethan comes in. Never in a million years would o have thought I'd have feelings for Ethan. I don't think I do. I don't know!

"It was always grayson and I So I paid no attention to Ethan in a way that was more than friends... but with Grayson and I being broken up, I've been able to see ethan in that way.

My heart flutters a little bit when I'm around him. His use of words get to me a little more than they used to. We kissed...

I don't want to lead him on. When I'm around him I lose control though. I can't help but feel how I feel when I'm with him.

I know I have feelings for him, but I just can't be with him. He doesn't deserve me... he deserves better. Neither of them deserve me, I'm horrible compared to them. But they don't stop coming to me. They continue to talk and hangout with me. It seems like they don't care about the pain they have to go through, they still need me just like I need them.

Ever since Grayson got into the crash, everything has changed. I cry all the time now, realizing I'm hurting both of them by just breathing.

Everything was so simple before the crash.
Maybe tonight we can try to stir up memories?

I put down the pen as I let out a sigh and grabbed my phone off the charger.

I trotted down the stairs seeing my mom and dad in the kitchen. "Off the the twins house?" My dad asked getting a class cup out of the cabinet.

"Yeah, I'll be home tonight though." I answered.

"Be safe, no drinking!" My mom pointed her finger at me. She knows me too well.

"Bye!" I giggled before walking out the front door. I cut through the grass to walk to their house and saw a bunch of cars already outside of their house.

I rang the doorbell and Maggie opened it. "Hey Addison." She lightly smiled. Things have been awkward between us due to the fact that she was flirting with Ethan then him and I kissed.

I smiled at her not wanting to have any drama tonight, "Hey!"

She let me inside and there was music playing but not at an irritating level. A bunch of our close friends were scattered around with beers in their hands. Sorry mom.

I walked into the kitchen and saw Ethan, Grayson, Claire and Matt talking.

I walked up behind Ethan and Claire who were facing away from me and hugged them from behind. "Hey losers!"