Because I Love You

The Room

Without warning, Jace burst into Alec's room and grabbed his arm before proceeding to drag him through the institute.

"I know you hate me right now, but I have a surprise for you." Jace explained.

"If it's Magnus then I don't care! Let me go!" Alec yelled. Jace rolled his eyes but refused to let go of his parabatai, who appeared just moments away from dropping to the floor and throwing a tantrum like a five year old. Before he got the chance, Jace stopped outside of one of the bedrooms in the institute.

"It's in here. I thought if I put it in one of the random empty rooms then others would be less likely to find it and ruin the surprise. It's my way of saying sorry, even though I'm not quite sure what I did wrong." Alec yanked his arm out of his parabatai's strong grip and to his surprise Jace let him go. He didn't put up a fight which made Alec believe that he was serious about the surprise.

"I don't want... Whatever it is in there."

"Alec, I swear on the angel that Magnus is not in there. I wouldn't do that to you and you know it." Alec looked at the door, wishing that he could see through it and know if he was telling the truth. "Please trust me. I'm your parabatai for gods sake." Alec looked at his parabatai and nodded slightly before he stepped towards the closed door.

"I do trust you Jace. I'm sorry that I said I hate you. It's not true. Not at all." Alec admitted before he took hold of the door handle and pushed it down. Jace watched him walk into the bedroom which he knew was completely empty apart from the furnishings that all the bedrooms had. Alec looked around for a moment and then back at Jace.

"There's nothing here..." He said, knowing he'd been tricked.

"I know Alec. I'm so sorry, but it's for your own good." Jace said before he closed and locked the door. It then became a waiting game for him as he waited for Magnus to arrive. Jace sat with his back to the door, listening as Alec screamed every obscenity under the sun at Jace whilst pounding and kicking the door.

It took almost an hour for Magnus to finally show up at the institute and by that point, Alec had stopped battering the life out of the door. It didn't stop him from screaming things at Jace though.

"Good to see you again Jace Herondale." Came Magnus' voice from down the corridor. Jace looked over and glared at him in annoyance.

"How did it take you an hour to get here?" Jace questioned. Magnus shrugged.

"I thought I'd let him get out some of his anger before I showed up."

"Well good news. I'm making it official that you're dating a psychopath, and now he's going to kick my face in when I eventually let him out of here." Magnus laughed, but Jace could easily tell that it was forced.

"Let me in there. Just do it quickly." Magnus said as he continued to make his way down the corridor. Jace unlocked the door and held it shut. Magnus nodded slightly and Jace shoved the door open, allowing Magnus to step inside before it was pulled shut and relocked.

Alec fell silent and shrank back against the wall as soon as Magnus stepped into the room. The clack of the key in the door told him that he couldn't escape, even if he wanted to. Magnus quickly closed the gap between them and sat down opposite Alec on the cold floor. Alec's whole body shook and he pulled his knees tightly against his chest before burying his head against them. His fists were tightly clenched and he gnawed at his bottom lip so much he made it bleed.

"Alexander." Magnus said softly, there wasn't a hint of sadness, or forcefulness in his voice. "Please understand how truly sorry I am Alexander." Alec couldn't bring himself to look up.

"H-how could you..?" Alec couldn't stop his voice from shaking as he tried, but failed, to fight back tears.

"I know. I know I went too far, and I know I shouldn't have done that." Magnus admitted. "I... I guess I got a bit excited."

"Y-You don't know... Don't know what it's like..."

"No. You're right, I don't know what it's like. So tell me, talk to me. Help me understand, because I don't understand Alexander. I don't understand at all." Magnus coaxed delicately. Alec glanced up briefly and met Magnus' eyes before he looked back down. Magnus could see that he was crying silently. "Oh baby..."

"I thought... I thought you knew I wasn't ready. I thought y-you knew that I couldn't handle it and y-you promised. Y-you made a promise to me Magnus, that y-you'd never force me into doing anything. B-But that's exactly what you did." Alec stammered. Magnus nodded slightly and glared down at the floor.

"I know. I know and I've never regretted anything more in my entire life."

"H-How can I trust y-you again? After what y-you did?" Magnus stayed silent for a while, trying to come up with something, anything, that could help him explain. He ran his fingers through his hair over and over again as he thought. After a few minutes, Alec sighed. "I guess I can't trust you again..." Magnus could hear the sound of his heart shattering.

"Alec..." Alec shook his head and rubbed his eyes ferociously with the sleeve of his jacket.

"You don't understand what it's like because you've never been put in a situation that you can't deal with. Because you're the almighty Magnus Bane, the high warlock of Brooklyn. You aren't afraid of anything." At that last comment, Magnus' head shot up so quick he almost gave himself whiplash.

"Don't you dare say that Alexander. I am afraid of more things than you know."

"Oh yeah? Name one. And I'll see whether I believe you or not." Magnus clenched his fists tightly.

"Look at me then. Look at me and I'll tell you the one thing I am most afraid of in this world." Magnus was close to tears, but he kept his voice steady. Alec was shocked by the steely edge that Magnus' voice had adopted and slowly he looked up and met his eyes.

"Tell me." He said simply.

"You." Magnus replied.

"Me? Why are you scared of me? I'm nothing compared to you."

"I'm afraid of losing you Alexander, I feel like I can't live without you. I've gained six pounds since you left. I can't sleep, I'm restless. I've done nothing, but watch rubbish tv, call and message you and feed Chairman Meow since you left. I must've smoked over a hundred cigarettes, I've drunk all the alcohol I had in and more. I'm... I'm lost without you." Alec could see the sincerity in his eyes. "Please, please, please believe me Alec." Magnus begged.

"I... I never knew you felt that way..." Alec admitted. Magnus rubbed his eyes and nodded slightly.

"Alec, I swear to god, to the angel, to whatever the hell you want me to swear on, that I will never push you into doing anything again." Tears spilled over Magnus' eyes and flooded down his face. "I... I can't do this." He cried. Alec pushed himself away from the wall and held Magnus. He gently stroked the back of his neck in the way that he loved.

"Shh, it's okay. It's okay."

"I love you so much Alec, I don't want to lose you over something so stupid. I need you in my life, I'm a wreck without you. I can't live without you. I want to get older with you, I want to raise a baby and see them grow and love and care for them with you. I want to live my life with you by my side so I'm not alone again. I... I'm so scared of being alone Alec... Don't let me be alone... Please..." Alec was crying quietly.

"I won't. You won't be alone, I'm right here. I've got you." Alec soothed quietly. "Just promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Promise me that you'll never let me leave again." Magnus looked at Alec and placed a soft kiss on his cheek."

"I promise Alec. I promise."