If Only ° Winwin (#Wattys2019)

xi.

                ✼:*ﾟ             

"give yourself a break." were the words yoonoh told her before leaving. it had already been 3 days when yoonoh visited her and she felt more ill by then. 

ever since that day, she have been considering the two options, leaving redamancy as it doesn't depend only on her. telling sicheng she loves him is indeed manipulative. and she would feel really bad when anyone in the group finds out. 

she have been puking purple petals with tinge of blue. it's still reversible. she thinks and she holds onto it so tight. she realized that her constant puking and coughing isn't only caused by having interaction and contact with the significant one, as long as you feel giddy, happy and enthusiastic towards the other, your flowers would angrily in your chest. 

her phone rang and she accepted it without checking the called id. "hello?" she frowned at how hoarse her voice have gone from all the coughing and puking. 

"uhm hello? is this yiyangssi's number?" she dropped her phone upon hearing the voice from the other line.

it was sicheng. 

she gulped and she felt thorns climbing her throat, threatening to go out anytime. she picked up her phone, "yes.." she replied weakly. 

"a-ah! yes! hello! aish!" she pursed her lips and could imagine sicheng scratching the back of his neck. "i'm so sorry, oh my god i'm so embarrassed i should've not agreed to yoonoh hyung's dare to call you. i'm so sorry for disturbing your rest, i will hang up---"

"wait what no, it's fine sicheng. i missed you anyway." she replied curtly. and her eyes widened upon realization of what just came out of her mouth, "i mean i missed working, and of course you..guys!" she hit her chest before pulling away the phone away to cough, and she saw purple petals with...yellow petals. bear the pain a little longer, yiyang.

tears started to appear and she her legs started to weaken. she pursed her lip. she started breathing through her nose as her lungs is starting to lack of oxygen from the petals clogging her throat. 

he heard sicheng sigh, "i missed you too noona." and tears started falling. she smiled weakly, "uhm hey...i think i need to hang up---yes mother! i have the sunblock here!---i'm in a beach. i hope i was here with you guys though." she lied. she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, "good bye sicheng. see you." before sicheng could reply, she ended the call and ran to the bathroom.

she fell to her knees and fingered her mouth and pulled her petals. they are colorful this time. more vibrant. of yellow petals with orange and---shit red tips. she continued coughing and puking, her mucus mixing with the petals, her nose clogged with snot from crying.

the shifting of her petals came too early. and they are no longer reversible now.

she hit her chest and started begging for the heaven to end the pain. she cried even harder.

is it worth it to fight this pain for him?