F.A.M.E

Chapter 1: Hope

The picture above is Ryan. Hope you all enjoy this book.
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Ryan POV

I can't believe it! My last semester at Spelman College. Damn, that feels so good to say out loud.  Even though I got all my credits to graduate early, I made the decision to walk with my friends that got me through these last 4 years. Honestly, I don't regret it.

It hasn't been easy. I almost dropped out.   I lost my dad to cancer and it led me to a spiraling depression.  Not to mention I still don't know what my next move is. All I know is, I got my eye on a record deal.  It's been my dream for as long as I can remember.  

m trying to have a record deal. I majored in music because it's all I know how to do. I'm not really good at math or writing papers or dissecting any kind of animal. Music is all I have. Music got me through everything honestly.

Ever since I was little, I had this thing for music. Like no joke, I would listen to any kind of music.  I had a little portable CD player and put on any kind of CD I could find in my parents' room. I learned how to play the keyboard when I was 8 years old, and from there on, music just became my obsession.

I didn't even really think college was necessary for somebody who wanted to pursue music.  Honestly, I still don't.  But my dad told me when I was in high school, "Ryan, don't be stupid. College is where you learn about yourself and the world.  You take them tools that school gives you and you use it to work for yourself, not for somebody else.   You make them connections, babygirl.  It'll be the best four years of your life."

Since that word of advice, I did my research.  What colleges are good for aspiring artists and musicians?  Matter of fact, what colleges are good for BLACK aspiring artists and musicians?  

So here I am.  Spelman College. It's unbeatable.  All these opportunities in Atlanta and so many doors open for going to the top Historically Black College in the country, I couldn't pass it up. But, it's expensive as hell! I had to beg my pops to invest so I could go there. I saved up, did scholarships, looked for sugar daddies (lol), but eventually my dad and I scraped up enough money to get me to my dream school.

First year was simple. All I had to worry about were core classes, and landing an internship at some Record Label, preferably close to home.  Long story short, I didn't get an internship by the end of the year, but I kept my head up.

Sophomore year was when I met my very best friend, Gina. We were roommates & we did everything together, literally. I could come to her for anything. We even planned spending Spring break in Miami together.  Too bad the worst event of my entire life took place weeks before we planned on going.

Later into my sophomore year, I got a call from the hospital that my dad had been rushed into surgery. I took the first flight back to Detroit and Gina was right there with me. I remember being so frustrated because I didn't know what happened to him. The doctors wouldn't let me see him yet because he was still in surgery.

"Ryan, calm down. Everything will be ok." Gina told me, squeezing my hand tightly.

I looked at her and smiled. "I hope you're right, G." I rested my head on her shoulder and she rocked me back and forth. An hour passed by and the doctor came to the waiting room.

"Ryan Brown?" he announced. Gina and I bursted out of our chairs to catch the doctors attention. He walked over to us.

"Where's my daddy?? Is he ok? Can I see him?" I asked, Gina still holding on to my hand.

"Your father is resting now. You can go see him. He's in room 219. " he responded very bluntly.

"Great." Just as I was about to sprint to the room, the doctor grabbed me by the arm and I scrunched my eyebrows at him.

"I'm afraid what your father has is very serious." he looked down at his clipboard.

"Serious how?!" I grabbed Gina by the hand again.

"He's suffering from stage 4 lung cancer. I'm sorry." he responded.

"Cancer?" My voice cracked loudly. My stomach instantly dropped and throat got tight.

"Yes, ma'am. There's not much we can do. This surgery we just gave him was because he stopped breathing. The cancer is very aggressive. I say he has about a month, maybe two. Most likely less." he responded.

I dropped to the floor and screamed. "No!!" I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed into Gina's shoulder. I finally got myself together to go see my father in the room. By the time I got to the room, he was wide awake. He could tell I had been crying so he stretched out his hand to me.

"Daddy, why didn't you tell me??" I laid my head into his hospital sheets.

"Baby, I was getting better and you were so close to graduating. I wanted you to stay focused." his deep, raspy voice filled my ears. I sobbed into his arm.

"I'm so sorry I can't see you graduate, Ryan. Look at me." he demanded weakly. I looked up, tears still in my eyes. "Ryan, baby. You're going to be so successful. You're going to be a big star and get a record deal like you always said you would. I believe in you." His red, baggy eyes glanced over at Gina.

"Gina. Take care of Ryan. Look after her like I have for the past 21 years." he said. Gina inched closer to him and grabbed my hand.

"Of course, Mr. Brown." she nodded.

I stayed in Detroit that entire month until I watched my dad take his last breath. The ride back to Atlanta was cold and lonely. Gina went back to Atlanta 3 weeks before me. I didn't want to drag her down, so I made her go home.

It took months for me to finally stop having suicidal thoughts, to stop doubting myself that I wouldn't graduate, and to stop losing hope. Gina was there through it all. So I knew that I would graduate and become a star for my daddy.

R.I.P Daddy❤️
01/17/2015