Truth Sets You Free

Chapter 41

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go, but I knew that there was no way I could go back to my apartment. Not with all of the memories that have already eaten me alive today.

Before I know it, I'm calling a cab. It shows up and I climb inside, giving the driver Jessica's address. I know it's a long drive, but that might actually be better. It'll give me some time to calm down and figure out what the hell is going on.

I just ran out on a marriage proposal from the nicest, most genuine guy that I've ever met. I knew he was too good for me, but I never thought that I would be that bad to him. I humiliated him. I hurt him. And I don't know why.

He was everything I needed.

He got me through a rough time. He put up with my mood swings and touchy behavior. He was there for me when everyone else wasn't anymore. And I threw that all away in a few seconds.

I was planning on spending this car ride trying to figure out why I just threw it all away, but the truth is that I already know why.

It's because of that damn notebook.

***Harry's notebook***

My angel is sleeping quietly next to me. I wish I could fall asleep as fast as she does, but then I would miss the luxury of seeing her completely and utterly at peace with herself and the world. She's been very stressed lately about work and life. It was wonderful to see her get to relax at the wedding...not that I made relaxing very easy for her.

Leave it to me to ruin anything good that comes Bella's way. I had no idea she had such strong feelings about marriage, and I figured she knew where I stood. I didn't mean to hurt her so badly, but I did. I always do.

And even though she told me that everything was okay and that she was over it, I know her. I know it's not true.

She was lying, and so was I.

Of course I hate the idea of marriage. I've hated everything about labels since Victoria completely screwed me over. To make matters worse, my family wasn't exactly the fucking Brady Bunch. My parent's marriage was nothing but misery and pain.

If you love someone, love them. I've never seen a reason to put some Hallmark label on it. But she has.

She sees the world differently from me. She always has and she probably always will. We could not be more opposite from each other. But that's what I love about her. I love having the chance to see things through her eyes.

Bella sees the good in everything and everyone...including me. If that weren't true, then she wouldn't be lying next to me right now. If she only saw the bad in me, she would've stayed away from me from the moment that we met at my family's house while I was in the middle of a deal.

But she kept coming back because she knew there was good in me. She could see it. And the reason that she could see it was because I was letting her see it. I let her in...in so many ways.

And that's how she sees marriage. She sees it as a mutual understanding of give and take. Something that both people have to work at. A push and pull to truly get to know each other. Perhaps that's why so many marriages fail. No one else realizes this. No one else is as smart as my Bella.

Perhaps that's why I only see the worst parts of marriage. Because I know that I'm nowhere near as smart as my Bella.

But she's teaching me. She's teaching me that if you work towards it, marriage can be something amazing. Something that other people are jealous of. Something that lasts forever.