Self Deception

85 / Moth / Need (roots)

9-19-17
Moths stay hungry
In my lungs,
Drawn to a smile,
Chipping away with their wings.
Suffer instead of clip them,
Because what a system
To become what the world handed to you.
Look at what the devil crafted for you,
Highs and lows of value.

Goosebumps travel up your arms like insects legs,
Crawling, searching from head to toe,
Watch my words curl,
At the foot of the bed
Dripping in blood,
Slide them through my teeth like a debit,
You know one of us would've said it.

I live in a gray,
Where the nicotine notches up
And my chances, down.
Waking up in a cold sweat
Make it rain,
Over the dead bodies in the trees
And the energy beneath the ground shaking.

Said he'd be back around,
But look who's coming down
Look who's saving shit now.

Fuck the godly shit,
Could never break diamonds
We've got chandelier skies
So good luck coming back down
To meet the mess you've made.
Let it get out of hand
Before you show.

You still try to fly out of me,
But we trap each other
With existence.
And I wonder if you taste my thoughts when you chew on the insides of my body.
Keep feeding you commitment
But you can't take it
Because of the way it's weighted
In other places,
So you swallow me whole,
Hoping you could take him out of me,
And keep yourself around
But you're only getting more determined
While I lighten up.
- (m.m)

Wishing the heat could've taken me,
Darling, don't quite know whats taken me,
But it believes.

Got some deep roots,
They cracked my ribs,
And choked me,
Knowing my kinks like a backhand,
Slapping me with truth.
Comes and goes in flashes
While I swing around circles
Spinning with the stars,
We're all rising off the same shit.

Bottle of scotch
Took a couple shots
Side of the road,
Heard a couple shots
Said I heard a little loss.

Fucking these bitch thoughts,
Not going down so easy tonight-
Backing up and playing games.
Fucking take me,
Tie me up and kill me,
I'm in love-
Couldn't care for the real shit
They write fairytales for.

Rolling glass in my dreams,
Crystal crystal crystal
That's my girl,
Blue eyed and bright,
Missed my opportunities for her.

Back in the bedsheets
Said I could feel a spirit,
Looming higher than I could go,
Just out of reach,
Peripheral visionaries watching me-
Looked straight through him
And now I'm just a dick for kicks,
Let me be.
How much is it gonna take to die?

Talking like you get it,
But I've got a demon-
But I'll admit it's the best company I'm keeping,
No differences in viewpoint over anything.
Me with balls times three,
Got a pretty sick need,
One they couldn't understand but it's all I see,
Slid it over my vision and it shows me,
How bad I need it, like you need to breathe
Underwater with a brick, thinking
Of what you took for granted before you started sinking-
That's me,
I know where it goes, and I'm working on linking
Watching the lights glow, swear I'm never blinking.
Fuck you for doubting every ounce of what I'm feeling,
Tell me would I make this up when everyday feel like I'm dreaming,
Fall for the shit like a hallucinogenic, I'm fucking tripping,
Not sure where I'm going but it's a trigger I'm gripping
Fucking in the mornings, pocketing the devil by the night,
Bag the shit like a cold lunch,
Said you got the liquor and the lace,
And a name that leaves a sour taste,
Like shit, who's trying to replace
The shit I done worked for,
Not everything it seems, babe,
So get off your bullshit, and don't try to relate
Don't need reassurance at a year so late,
Been in the deep, got a fear for lakes,
Heavy and depthy- dead fucking bodies,
Think I'm drowning in em, too,
My god, what a fool I've been for you.
Just want to be high,
And I've got so many reasons they've left and wasted my time,
So fuck you thinking I'll need you later on,
Thinking I'm just gonna keep you later on.
Tell me I'm hopeless and I'll breathe you later on,
Hot air and watching the ways you take em off,
Stripping away the layers of my commitment,
Peel it back like skin
Till I wake up and drink to stop remembering,
Although you know I need it.
You know the shit I take
To get worse.
To get better.
Iced out, hot to the touch,
I'll fucking hate you
Just to love you that much more.
Maybe it's never been an issue with fault
Maybe it's about limitation,
Can't always handle the way it is.
Way it's been.

Cheat the system and fuck your friends,
Riding low and talking high,
Play your favorite tracks all night,
And we dance with the hard shit.
Shake hands with the darkness,
Curl fingers for the parts that
Pass a windowshield, and the subs keep shaking
Blow ash out the window
And hope for the best.
Not sure who I'm loving now,
If it's you, myself, both or what's left
Of a place never before desolate.
Grew like a tree and filled me
But the leaves fall down every year,
And I wonder where these skeletons came from.
Gotta work with what I know,
Take it as it goes,
But it hits so hard,
I'm goddamn low.
- (m.m)