Self Deception

42 / Raps

I wrote a couple raps and I'm not even sure if they're done but even as lyrics I'll change or add to, I'll put them up here anyways. I'll write a poem soon too, because I have a lot going on and a lot to think on and shit.

4-26-17
I belong to the music, I'm about it
And I show my dedication
By loving what they doubting
I got chains on my wrist
Boutta have 40K on my wrist,
Boutta hop in the whip
Just to feel okay with it
Fame chasing,
Girls racing
Just to get up in my grill so they can taste it
I got money in my teeth
Cause I been coughing up dreams,
Ever since I was thirteen.
Took the life outta me,
To see the shit that I see
And wake up everyday and call it family,
Fuck that,
cause most people dead to me,
Except the niggas that'd be dead without me
They'd never doubt me,
Never play me like a card just to run around me,
They might need me like oxygen but they make sure I'm not drowning,
I'm the shot nobody takes but they'd fucking down me,
They'd kill a nigga with my words like bullets when I'm mouthy
We're nothing but danger and I'm sipping something cloudy,
Like heaven exists and all the gods have found me,
Language like scripture and they're screaming it loudly
From the bottom of a cup, they tell me life's better when we in this together,

I was looking through my fingers
It was half lit settings
And the picture was bigger
Than anything we knew
I was leaving out in June,
Got the Fuck out and lost touch with you
Fuck around for a few
Shoot around for a few,
Always down for a view
Of the city,
The world turned a little bit hazy
Forgot everything that made me,
And I'm going batshit crazy
You think you fucking know me
By what you've heard lately,
But you're not really facing
Any of the facts
If you wanted lies,
You seem to know where that's at,
And you think I don't need anything,
But really I'm selective,
White girls keep texting,
Hit me up with a message
Like where the fuck you been,
Is this how it ends
But they keep up with they trends
And I don't fucking get it
Yeah they keep up with they friends,
But I don't wanna fuck with it,
Fuck you, forget it,
But maybe you're right,
Because I'm walking through my head
Only mirrors in sight,
And the only time i fight
Is for myself,
Cause I'm the only one who's seen the bottom of hell,
And nobody else can take it,
So they walk right out
Like I can't still fucking taste it,
Cause my homie Satan mixed it up in the bathroom,
The lights started raining, we were tripping on acid
This is everyday when I wake up,
Turn the music up and we take em
Can't fuck the world, so we shake em
Fluorescent lights in the sink while we baking
Up all night, so our eyes look vacant,
Falling from the sky that's cadent
You ain't never heard the truth till I laid it
Don't pretend you're relating
Cause you don't even know what the fuck I'm saying
- (m.m)

4-29-17 rap
Show up to school half drunk like a bitch
Hickeys on my neck where he touched his lips
I'm not saying I'm about to dip,
But, I'm covered in guilt
And it stops the words,
That spill easy when I drink
If it stops the hurt,
You know I'm easy when I drink,
So you come at me with that bottle,
I like the way you think,
Let's just dance around the idea: im about to sink
And you know how I'm feeling,
Even though you say you never feel it,
I'm keeping secrets like I'm dirt dealing
On myself,
Do it all by myself,
You tell me to do what makes me happy
But I'm made of hell,
Like do you even know me that well?
Do you see who you're talking to,
How that pain felt?
This anger this aggression
Choke me like a belt,
And I told you I don't even fucking know what love feels like
And you say you love me but you know it doesn't feel right,
I'm hotboxing with some dudes, but I know it doesn't heal right,
I trace through tonight but idk what this scar's gonna bleed like
And I'm scared,
You're crying on the phone,
I'd run my fingers through your hair
But I'm not even home,
I'm walking under streetlights
And I'm fucking alone
Took a couple shots
Had to take off your coat
Cause this place doesn't know..
Oh how the weather gets cold
And you can call it drama
If it drops your name,
But you became a part of this
When you wanted to get laid,
And I'm not throwing any shade,
Cause I understand,
This is a card game with no upper hand
We was supposed to be a team,
But what does that word mean?
When it's not physical for him
But the feelings still leak,
And the sunlight looks bleak
We're just swimming with the tide,
Trying to calculate what adds up to a good night,
Trying to retrace, maybe recreate cause I'm not looking to fight
- (m.m)