Self Deception

12 / deep red / rich green

Why must I always want things that are not in my reach?

I'm ready to burst, my heart throbbing and pumping deep red soul inside me. I was once flourishing green - efficient and untouched, like a magnificent forest. This new soul has found a way to ruin me, seemingly trying to make me out to be someone I am not.

I am not deep red, no. I still feel the richness of green, though it has been dulled more than I care to admit. Too many beautiful colors have touched my soul; tainted it with their own bright hues. I fear that deep red is so beautiful that I am losing myself, losing the rich green of my own soul. Perhaps I lost it farther back than I can remember.

Many colors have mixed with mine, such as sunshine yellow and sapphire blue. They only left a few drops, since my rich green was not left horridly tainted then like it is now. My heart is turning the deepest, most passionate shade of red, and I think I'm going insane. I want this to stop, I want this to stop for good. My heart has always been green, not red.

But I fear that the deep red soul will soon fully take over my heart, which is not something I ever thought I would have to account for. I feel so hot, itching to get out of my own skin and run away from this feeling. Face flushed, slowly dying with no sunlight present: I walk a line made for people like me. I am a lost soul, a tainted person with a flimsy backbone.

I say goodbye to rich green, and a twisted hello to deep red. My face is burning up, my heart is overworking itself to a cradling death, and I always want the things that are not in my reach.

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