Her Last Wish

Chapter 1

"Maybe this project will reduce your ego, God knows it needs to be reduced" Xavier says jokingly.

"Impossible, this project will just boost my ego and you know it," Tyson says proudly. Why does he want such a big ego? Why why why??

"You know you have to actually have a relationship with her right? She seems like the relationship type of girl," Xavier says.

"Ugh, I know. But I'll break up with her after I sleep with her. I hope she's not a virgin though, they're so damn clingy. Plus it's hard to actually get into their pants when they're virgins, ya know, with them protecting they're virginity and all," I hear Tyson say, but I don't hear anything else because I'm running.

I've been reduced from a person to a project. I'm no longer needed as a person but as a project to increase someone's ego, I think as I run to the bathroom. I enter a stall and as soon as I'm in one, I cry.

I cry for the happy life I wish I had. I cry for the parents and friends I never had. I cry for the love I never experienced. I cry for the happiness I've always wanted. I cry for me.

With trembling hands I take the blade out of my pocket and pull my jeans down. Hating myself for doing what I'm about to do, I start cutting my thigh. I hate this. I hate this so much. But I can't stop. I never do.

I watching as the blood trickles down my thigh and into the bowl, making the water red. I think of how people say "Blood is thicker than water". That can never be true in my case. It never was since I was 7.

Wiping the blood and tears and flushing the toilet, I exit the bathroom. I don't bother trying to fix my make up, because I don't put make up. No one's looking at me anyway.

I endure the rest of the day as I always do and before I know it, it's time to go home. Luckily my father won't come till about six.

Walking home I can't help but think about how no one cares about me. Even I don't care about myself, so why am I alive? Why should I be alive? It's not like here's a reason for me to live.

If something doesn't change when I get home today then I'll do it, I think. I don't have anything to live for anyway. I'm just so tired. I'm tired of hoping. I'm tired of wishing. I'm tired of waking up every morning to pain and emptiness. I'm tired. I just want to rest.

I just want it all to stop.

When I reach home, part of me wishes for my mom to get up and hug me. To hold me and tell me she loves me and she's sorry. But I know better than to hope. It never worked anyway.

I look forward and see my mom on the couch, eyes far away. I go over to where she sits and hug her. She giggles against me and says "You're warm."

I let a few tears drop, knowing that, since nothing has changed, I'm not going to be here any longer.

I have nothing to live for anyway.

"I love you mom," I say softly. My mom just giggles again.

Nothing's different. Nothing's changed. It's just the same horrible routine that I'm forced to live though. The same horrible routine that's breaking little pieces of me each day.

I don't want to live this routine anymore.

The though fills me with a mix of confusion, determination and sadness. And fear. So much fear. Overwhelming me when I can't feel anything.

No one really cares. No one will know.

But for some reason, the thought of doing it fills me with emptiness. Suddenly I think of the bet Tyson and Xavier made. I know if I say yes to him if he were to ask me out, it would be fake, but at least I would have experienced something related to being liked by someone. It might be fake, but I'll pretend it's real. Like I pretend when I'm at school.