A Tender Touch

\.Still Wondering./

Saturday, - May 28, 1988

Today was the fist day off I had since I've been working here in Rome which means it was the first free day in two whole weeks!I was so excited to just do nothing at all - just relaxing and letting my body and mind rest for a bit.Through the last week I tried to ignore Marc as much as I could and it worked pretty well.I started focusing on the really important things in life: the children, their families, my friends and well - Michael.The last months have been so stressful and hard, I was working all the time - and when I wasn't working I tried to memorize the new terms and descriptions I heard everyday.I've been doing these internships for nearly eight months now and in a couple of months I'll finally be able to work as a psychologist.I've always loved working with people, especially children and now that I was finally able to, I felt myself getting very excited!Anyways, today I don't want to think about work - I want to calm down.I need to calm down.
I sat down on my light blue sofa with my book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other.I would've turned on the tv but since all channels were italian I didn't understand that much.I pulled the soft blanket over my naked legs and put a big pillow behind my head - now the perfect day could sta-
Ding Ding Ding.I heard my phone ring.I stood up from the couch and quickly walked to the phone while I was wondering who could be calling me right now.
"Hello?"
I said after I lifted the handset.
"Hello Mira, here's Henry!How are you?"
"Oh I'm great, thanks!How are you and the kids?What's going on in Paris right now?"
Henry's my uncle by the way.He's living in Paris since '81 I guess.He's my favorite family member to be honest and as the brother of my mom, he's always been there for me.
"We're all fine.Kate's doing great so far - she's so happy to see you in a couple of weeks, Nina too by the way!"
"How's she doing?"
"Oh good, very good actually but school's keeping her busy, you know?
I was so glad to hear that.My two cousins have always been like little sisters to me - I just love them so so much.Then I heard my uncle's voice again.
"Hey Mira, the reason I called you..."
He cleared his throat.
"You remember that we talked about you working here again this year, right?"
"Yes of course Henry!I'm so excited already, can't wait to see y'all again!"
I giggled, waiting for him to go on with what he wanted to tell me.
"Yeah we just need to see each other.It's been so long since we met...Well, anyways - I just wanted to tell you some details about the job.So you should start working here on June 20, I think that's a Monday.Is that alright with you?Because I actually need you on that day already!"
I quickly thought about it - my internship lasted until June 15, so that should work!
"Yeah, that's perfect!"
"Ouh great!Look, I'll book a flight for you so that you'll arrive here two days before you start working...So on June 18, that's a Saturday I think.Is that ok?"
"Yeah sure but you really don't have to pay the flight yourse-"
"Mira, see it as an early birthday present if you want!We all want to see you again and besides that - I've been studying myself and I know that as a student you don't always have that much money.
"Well then, thank you Henry!"
He laughed.
"You're welcome.Do you know where you're staying at already?Cause I could - "
"Yes I do!I think I'll stay with Pablo!You know I always did when I visited you there and I'm sure he's going to say yes!"
Pablo's my best friend.We actually live together in our little beach house in Malibu with two other friends but since he started studying fashion in Paris three years ago, he's living in a beautiful apartment in Paris.
"Ok great!When does your last internship start?How long can I keep you here?"
I smiled.I just love my family.
"It starts on July 6 I think."
"That's a Wednesday, right?"
"Yup."
"Ok then...You wanna stay until July 3?That's the Sunday before."
"Yeah, that'd be great!"
I said and wrote the dates down on a little paper next to the telephone.
"Perfect!I'll send you the tickets for your flight in the next week and then we see each other on June 20.Just come to my office at 9 and I tell you the rest, ok?"
"Yes that sounds good!"
Then I suddenly heard a little children's voice in the background.
"Ouh Mira?"
"Yes?"
"Catie wanted to talk to you.Hold on...Ok, see you soon - bye!"
"Bye uncle Henry."
I giggled, knowing what was about to come.
"MIRAA!Hiii, how are ya?"
"I'm great Catie!How is my princess doing so far?"
I could hear her laugh through the phone.
"I'm super happy!I wanna see you right nohoww!"
She said in her little squealing voice.I couldn't help but laugh a little.
"Ouh sweetie, I wanna see you too!But I'll be there in a couple of weeks and than we'll see each other, I promise..."
"Yeah!That's gonna be so fun!Especially when you'll meet Mic-"
I heard Henry's voice shouting something and she immediately stopped talking.
What was that all about?
"I mean when uhh - when you'll meet Mi-, my uhh - sister too.That's gonna be so great!"
I have to admit I was a bit confused.If that's what she wanted to tell me 5 seconds ago, I'm sure Henry wouldn't have interrupted her...
"Yeah that's true!"
Was the only thing I could say at the moment.
"Hey, is your sister around too?"
I asked Catie.
"No, she went riding her horse and mommy went with her."
She sighed.
"But I'm not sure when she'll be back..."
"Oh it's ok!Just tell her I'm happy to see her too, ok?"
"Yeah I will!Uhh Mira, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure!What is it?"
"How was the concert?"
Aww.I could feel her becoming all excited.
"Well, I wasn't able to attend it - unfortunately..."
I sighed.Why is it always me?!
"Buut- I got something really special, you want me to tell you?"
She giggled.
"YES!"
"Ok ok...I got...a..."
"MI-RA!Tell mee!"
She was getting impatient so fast!But I can't blame her, after all she's just six years old.
"I got a picture of him aaand - he signed it!"
I finally let her know.
"OH MAAN!No way.Really?"
She couldn't believe it.
"Yes, I swear."
"Will you bring it with you so that I can see it, please?"
"Yeah sure!"
She was such a big fan of him already.I kind of introduced her to him when she was a toddler.I made her listen to his music all the time and told her every little detail I knew about him.Now she loves him with all her heart - and I feel like a proud mother!
"Mira, dad says we gotta go pick up Nina now..."
She sounded a bit sad.
"Hey, we'll see each other soon, ok?"
"Yeah, love you Mira!"
"I love you too Catie."
I almost cried.God - why am I always so emotional?
"Byee."
She said and with that she hung up the phone, leaving me smiling because I was very happy to have such a cute little cousin like her - and her sister too.I was just still wondering what she really wanted to tell me before Henry said something.Who would I be meeting there?
Well, I wouldn't be able to find it out myself so I decided not to care about it that much.I walked back to the sofa and sat down again.Pulling the blanket over me, I grabbed my book and started reading the first pages...It was Michael's autobiography.
I've always wanted to be able to tell stories, you know, stories that came from my soul.
Same gurl!The first sentence already made me feel so excited.I went on...

Later that afternoon...
Actually I just wanted to read a couple of pages and then do something different but this book was just so captivating - I simply couldn't put it away.I'm now on page 268 and almost done with it and I have to say, it's absolutely great!He was writing about his childhood and early memories and then went on to explain the whole story of his career.He talked about the people he met and relationships he had.That's when things started to get really interesting to me...
But to be honest, this book made me quite sad.It made me realize how much he already went through:

- He never had a real childhood.
I wouldn't say that I can relate to that but I do know how it feels to grow up too fast and I feel so deeply sorry for him.When he's surrounding himself with children I can truly see what he's doing - he just wants their youthful spirits around him.Just imagine never being able to do things you really want to, that must've been a hard time for such a young child...
- All those crazy rumors about him which are NOT true at all.
If people would make up stories about me, spreading lies and rumors - I think I'd go crazy.The last thing I'd want is to hear things about me that do not represent me at all.Imagine people all over the world talking about you when all they hear are crazy and stupid "facts".
- Mike never seemed to have any true loves in his life.
Another thing we have in common - great.He also mentioned feeling so alone most of the time although he does have many friends and that really breaks my heart a bit.I understand him so much.

I continued reading before I'd tear up again.
Several people have asked me if I had anybody in my mind when I wrote "Can't Stop Loving You."And I say that I didn't really.
Ouh that means he's currently single which is perfect - providing that I'd have the chance to meet him.But even if - I'm a fan and he's a superstar, the king of pop.If he could have women like Brooke Shields, Tatiana Thumbtzen or any other beautiful girl - why in the world would he choose me?Ugh - what am I even talking about, he doesn't even know I exist.I read on.
I was thinking of somebody while I was singing it, but not while I was writing it.
Wow.So he is in love with someone.I quickly shot the book.I fell back on the couch and took a deep breath before I heard my stomach growl - I hadn't been eating much today and it was almost 5 p.m.I stood up from the couch and walked to the kitchen, putting my gray cardigan over my shoulders.
Ok, so what do we have here?
I opened the fridge.Vegetables, fruits and salad.Since I was a vegetarian for about eight years now, you'd never find meat or fish in my fridge or kitchen...I decided to cook rice, adding some vegetables and different spices - I just love that meal.I'm surely not the best cook but this lunch has never tasted bad...Still I couldn't wait for Pablo to cook - he was the best at it.I really love him...He's so talented - he can cook, sing, plays the piano as I do, he got style and he's fun as hell!He truly is the best friend in the whole wide world, probably also because he understands me so good.He's gay, you know - and he had a really tough time admitting it.His father has never been the most tolerant person but all his friends supported him through all of that, especially Adri and I.
Love is Love, that's the most important thing - no matter who you love, as long as it's true, it's all you need.
I turned the stove on and let the water heat up, I really needed to eat now.
...