Hamilton X Reader Modern times

~Chapter 37: Get her out of my way~

Y/N's P.O.V

~the next day~

"An emotion I will never be able to feel?" I mumbled to myself as I tapped on my desk and tried to figure this thing out. I couldn't come up with any emotion that really fit. I gave up once again and went to search for something to eat in the kitchen.

Once I came in I saw John. He had a blanket over him, his hair was messy and he was grabbing ice cream. He grabbed the chocolate flavor and turned around. I then noticed that his eyes were puffy and red. His cheeks were tear-stained and he had a displeased look on his face. 

"Hey John, what's wrong?" I asked as I walked towards him and put a hand on his shoulder. He smacked my hand away and looked very, very angry at me. He didn't say anything and headed back to his room. I was utterly confused. I wanted to turn around and run over to him but it seemed as if my feet were cemented on the ground. I decided to just turn around and walk to my room. Maybe something angered him and he just needs some time. But that theory still didn't seem right.

He wouldn't take his anger over something else out on me.

It was a Saturday so I decided that it would be a great idea to go to an electronic's store. So that's exactly what we did. Everyone came along. Maybe this could be my chance to talk with John. 

As soon as we got there Lee rushed off to the gaming section to look at all the new games. George went to all the hair curlers of course. Now the movie fans like Alexander, Washington Thomas and James went to look at the movies there. There was also a book department where Burr headed off to. Hercules went to the drawing tablets. A few months ago, he found a Wacom tablet online and wanted to look at it IRL before buying it. Lafayette went to the music department with Philip and John went to check the laptops. 

I did a quick prayer and marched to John and stood next to him. He said nada. Nothing. I even tried to open my mouth and start a conversation but the silence hushed me. 

Eventually: "S-So," I said with a high pitch voice. I coughed to get rid of the pitch and nervously smiled. "So, what are you looking at?" I asked. ". . ." John just raised his nose and kept his eyes on the laptops. He was practically telling me to leave. "I-"

"Look if you're here to be a b*tch then just leave." John snapped at me.

"Excuse me?" I asked as I twitched my eyes. "You could've told me," John said as he looked at me. "Told you what?" I asked confused. "You know what." He hissed at me. "Did that kissing mess you up?" I asked as he tensed his shoulders. "Yes, yes it did!" John spat at me.

"Shouldn't I have done that?" I asked waiting for his answer. "Yes." John spat at me. My heart stopped beating as I flushed. I didn't know if it was because of embarrassment, anger or shock. 

"You do you. Class dismissed as is our relation," He grumbled. "Buh-bye!" He waved me off.  My breath hitched as I turned around and left so he couldn't see me crying. After everyone got their stuff we all headed to the cashier and paid. Then we went home. Everyone seemed to be talking and laughing in the car, even John. But I wasn't. 

"Y-You guys can cook dinner, I am walking in the park tonight," I mumbled to Thomas and James who gave me concerned look but still understood. I walked outside seeing the dark blue sky with some white stars in it. I walked out and made my way to the nearest park. 

There was nobody else in the park. I was relieved but the park also creeped me out at night. In the middle of the park was a bench. I made my way to that bench. On my way there I saw some rabbits that were hopping around and fled in the bushes as soon as I passed the bush. Then I saw a little playground that I used to go to when my parents were still alive. The same swing was still there, the rest was renovated. 

I haven't told how my parents died. This is a good time to recap.

I was 5 years old.

We were about to go to the airport to go to America for the summer vacation. We got in the car and made our way to the airport. That moment a car came rushing in from the other side, my dad couldn't pull the car to the side in time. We hit the car, face first. I got out the car as soon as I could but didn't see my parents come out. They were stuck. The car exploded in front of me. I remember trying to run towards the car but being stopped by the adults nearby.

I had no aunts or uncles. My grand paresnts had died. No one. I was put in an orphanage until I was 12. And that's when my study addiction began. Study, study, study, prove the adults that you can live alone. And that's what I did. The government insisted that I could get a supervised home until I was 18. Every week someone from the government came and asked me if I was alright. The deal was cut off to 16 because they were wasting my time. That's when I entered college.  

Soon enough they figuered I'd be fine. They were wrong. Physically and financially I was fine. But mentally I was traumatized and I stopped feeling emotions after a certain point. Dull to the point that I didn't even make enough human interaction. At a certain point in my life, I stopped talking to anyone besides my own reflection. My mind was blank. I was a meat suit with a power to live, to satisfy the souls of my parents. 

As you can see, this is where that atitude brought me.

No one has ever loved me since I was 5, this sudden love, this sudden emotion really f*cked me up bad at the beginning. But now, without it, I feel incomplete. And I don't even know why it was taken from me in the first place.

I finally arrived at the bench and sat down. I leaned back and let my head fall back. I'm done with all of this. A tear made it's way down my head and got stuck in my hair. Suddenly I felt someone sit beside me. I tilted my head up and looked at the person next to me. It was Philip.

"Hey...Are you okay?" Philip asked. I wiped the tear of my head and shook my head no. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked. I nodded.

"John dumped me," I said wiping another tear. "What?" Philip asked confused.

"He doesn't know what he's doing," Philip told me. "I don't know what to do. It's probably something I did wrong or he doesn't like me anymore. Maybe I'm just not likable anymore." I rambled. (All the readers are getting very frustrated about now, I can feel it)

"Hey! Don't say that you're not likable. You are very likable." Philip said as he wiped away a tear of my cheek. He kept his hand on my cheek for awhile and we looked at each other. I think it was the moon light just hitting him on the perfect place, but he looked just perfect.

We leaned in and kissed.

He put his other hand on my other cheek after pulling me on his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I think that the first pick I made, wasn't the right one.

John's P.O.V

"So I was right after all." I mumbled as I saw the two kissing on the bench. I made my way back to the house to see if there was any ice cream in the freezer.